Today I thought, well actually, imagined,whatÂ if I had a gun right now, and put it into my mouth – what would I though in theÂ last seconds. I though that I would tell myself –
–in a few seconds everything you hated, everyhting that was so hard for you, so disturbing and painful, all despair, anguish – everything will be gone… just will end.
I just cryed after this because I haven’t feel so happy for a very long time…I felt so safe about this thought…. I could never imagined that all this shit in my life can just end, and will never torture me again, even if I will stop exist. It will just end.
I feel so tired of everything. So tired.