Many times I have thought about suicide, and many times I even made detailed plans. I tryed talking to my friends, and they usually talk me out of it, but in the back of my head, it’s not them that really back me out of it, it’s the fear of what happens once I’m dead.
Many times, that jumps in my head, and I can’t really think of going through of it, being in fear of what could happen. I’m not a religious person, and it makes it harder to think what’s after death.
I could talk to people, but all they say are the typical “Don’t worry about it” or “Don’t say things like that.” I dunno, it’s a scary thought thay may be for the best.
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I heard something on the science channel that said when you die, when the oxygen leaves your brain, you undergo a hallucination thats worse than any drug on earth. Eerie, eh?
I am glad to not know what the end of life might feel like. I guess the only way to know is to actually die which sucks because it leaves so much to our active imaginations. I was in a serious motor cycle accident once. I am sure that I went through a lot but there was something cool that my brain did – it completely blocked out the entire memory of the events of the day and for months afterwards. I guess that is more about life than death though. I think that our body has the ability to take care of things that we cannot handle. Just a random thought about that.
I think you should really cling to anything that keeps you alive for now, although I hope eventually you can find something more positive than fear. I believe your life is worth living, although I understand right now it must be hard. And it’s okay to feel down about that – life can be frustrating. But I do believe in a God who loves you and made you with a purpose, who died to pay for all the evil things you have done – that anyone has done – so that you can enter into a relationship with him and grow in love. I believe that what waits for people who trust in Jesus is a place of peace, but I also believe that that eternal life starts in the here and now – it’s not just a “oh we’ll get there someday” sort of thing. And as for Hell, well…. I think people send themselves there. They create it. I think we all have the capacity to make Hell with all the rotten things we do to ourselves and to others…. Hell is just the choice to separate ourselves from a God who loves us. But he provided a way, by trusting him, to reattach ourselves. It’s about knowing him personally (knowgodpersonally.org is a site I recommend if you’re interested in knowing more).
Have you talked to anyone about your feelings? You seem unsure about what to do, and I think that if you’re going through a tough time talking about it with someone might help lighten the load. If you ever want to chat, send me an email. carin@uoguelph.ca
Peace.
i believe we were made victims trapt to live all lives in existance……..the victim ones anyway