My “Happy” Birthday

@Justathought: -hugs back- I don’t think it will be… my heart hurts physically and emotionally and my mind is starting to crash… I’m becoming unstable… my sanity is fading away as it gives way to the pain.

@social-outcast: This wasn’t the first time my bday has been forgotten… but so far the worse one with everything going on… my last bday.. my exgf broke up with me… different from the one I’m “with” right now. They’re all the same… I haven’t been shown true friendship or love my entire life… things wont’ change while I’m still alive.

@Maeliin: thanks. -hugs you back- Yeah.. it’s almost as bad if not worse than the one I had last year. I find her really cruel. I think she’s just been lying to me or using me, or something. Since that’s not what you do when you love someone.

Yeah, sure. Just give me your email and I’ll email you mine’s.

@Maeliin: I sent you an email just now. If you got it, just tell me.

And yeah… I should, but I still have feelings for her. No one will want me. I’m not that great or anything. It’s been proven with the amount of people who have lied to me and abandoned me. And when’s your bday?

Sorry, I don’t think I was here during that time. Or maybe I was. I can’t even remember if I was or not. I don’t think I was though. And no, it’s ok. I gave up on that. Everyone I care about lies and abandons me. I already know I’m garbage.

Yeah, I think I joined near March too. I have to check to be sure though. My memory has gotten really bad lately.

Thanks.. but I’m not. It’s been proven that I’m garbage. My family, friends, even gf has pretty much put me as such. I accepted it now. I can’t do anything right either.

It would… but the opinions of me being garbage are all from people who I value and give importance to. I honestly couldn’t care less what others think of me, but the people who I care about and I think are important are different. And… guess what? they all consider me garbage after awhile. Oh well.

I do care about you. A lot too.

It does matter and it does count, but I still am garbage. It does make me feel a bit better than you care, but it doesn’t change how worthless I am.

Then everyone in this world must be a fool. It doesn’t matter anymore. I already built into my mind that I am worthless trash. Scum. Thanks for saying all that though. It does make me happy inside that you think that even though it’s not entirely true.

That would be nice if you can. But it’s sort of built into me throughout my life. Everyone has treated me as such after awhile. No matter who it was, they eventually saw me as a hassle or unwanted trash. So I’ve learned to think of myself as such now.

I know you care.. and thank you for it. It does make me a bit happier to know you do.

I’m not wonderful. I’m useless. I’m pessimistic. Depressed. Suicidal. No one can stand being with me. I kinda don’t want to wait until my due date. And my birthday just got worse, as you probably already know.

@crying on the inside : Thanks. -hugs you back- Yeah, they did, though after I remind them… I did get cake though. But after it, we didn’t really do anything. Just cut the cake and went our separate ways again.

@Maeliin: -hugs you tightly back- you can try if you want… though I’m not really worth trying. I wish you could too and that I could make you feel better if you’re not well. I care about you and you mean a lot too.