So, today is my birthday. Happy Happy birthday to me.
Family forgot that my bday was today until I reminded them. Then my ex, who said she wanted to be with me again, and has been my gf again for a 2-3 weeks now… says she won’t see me or talk to me or even log online to chat with me on my bday.. even though she said she loves me and that she doesn’t know what to give me for my bday. She said she was going to try to give me something great and was stressing over it too. Great gift, huh? Ignoring and having fun without me and ditching me on my bday. Then, my toes are blistered because I went to this new shaolin dojo to train, so my toes hurt. We practiced on cement the whole 2 and a half hours. They didn’t even have mats. Then, I have tons of unfinished homework that is due on Monday that is stressing me out. I’m stuck at home, not knowing what to do and barely have anyone to talk to while I feel depressed and lonely. I have no friends or anyone to go out and have fun with this day. The day’s not even 1/3 over yet, yet my bday has been so so great this year that I wanna cry. Love and friendship are all a bunch of bullshit… no one gives a damn about me…
Only 17 more days of hell left until freedom..
40 comments
I’m so sorry. But I care.
Happy Birthday *hugs*, sorry it isn’t going so well.
I bought my own present for my Birthday this year and slept through the whole day. Bliss.
How old are you by the way?
hugs
@Justathought: thanks.. but no one who I’ve known up to this day really does. The people I trust the most and loved all don’t care…
@social-outcast: -hugs back-I wish I could just sleep through it all… but I can’t even breathe well cause of all this… all this pain and stress… and I’m sure it’s just going to get worse throughout the day…
@life sucks thin u die: -hugs back-
Deep abyss -Hugs tightly- It will be alright my dear one.
I guess i got used to it, i was 9 the first time my birthday was forgotten, i’m 26 now. I hope things look up for you.
@Justathought: -hugs back- I don’t think it will be… my heart hurts physically and emotionally and my mind is starting to crash… I’m becoming unstable… my sanity is fading away as it gives way to the pain.
@social-outcast: This wasn’t the first time my bday has been forgotten… but so far the worse one with everything going on… my last bday.. my exgf broke up with me… different from the one I’m “with” right now. They’re all the same… I haven’t been shown true friendship or love my entire life… things wont’ change while I’m still alive.
Deep abyss:
-Hugs again- I promise love, it WILL get better. No matter how much time it takes… I wish I lived by you so I could show you true friendship!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_NaK-cCzlc
Happy bithday Deep
@blackqwert: Thanks.
Your wellcome Deep
):> happy birthday deep abyss… *hugs*
i wish i’d known, i’d have made a huge post for you ^^ i’m sorry your day sucked so much… ):> i wanna slap ur gf tho… i’m not a violent person…but still… god i wanna slap some sence into her…
deep abyss, as you know, i don’t want you to die… i want to help you… i can’t come on this site much anymore w/o a huge risk…but yea… can we email? i wanna support you as much as i can… *hugs* ):> i really care about you, and i hope i can somehow help you to at least feel somewhat happy in your last days, even if i can’t stop you i wanna help as much as i can…
@Maeliin: thanks. -hugs you back- Yeah.. it’s almost as bad if not worse than the one I had last year. I find her really cruel. I think she’s just been lying to me or using me, or something. Since that’s not what you do when you love someone.
Yeah, sure. Just give me your email and I’ll email you mine’s.
maeliin 16@ gmail. com (no spaces)
yea… seriously u should dump her and find some1 who’s worthy of your awesomeness… i hope your b-day improves somewhat… my grandfather died on my b-day when i was 9… since then no1’s remembered it except my twin, but she only remembers after i say happy b-day 2 her…
@Maeliin: I sent you an email just now. If you got it, just tell me.
And yeah… I should, but I still have feelings for her. No one will want me. I’m not that great or anything. It’s been proven with the amount of people who have lied to me and abandoned me. And when’s your bday?
i got it.
x.x people will want you,you just gotta find the right person… the people that have lied and abandoned you, their have no worth. they are idiots, because what i see in you is an amazing, caring, intelligent person, someone who deserves the best… you really do deserve the best… i wish you’d keep living… my b-day is feb. 17…already passed…hated it.
Sorry, I don’t think I was here during that time. Or maybe I was. I can’t even remember if I was or not. I don’t think I was though. And no, it’s ok. I gave up on that. Everyone I care about lies and abandons me. I already know I’m garbage.
your NOT garbage (i wasn’t here in feb. either…i joined march 5…) you are one of the most amazing ppl i’ve ever met…
Yeah, I think I joined near March too. I have to check to be sure though. My memory has gotten really bad lately.
Thanks.. but I’m not. It’s been proven that I’m garbage. My family, friends, even gf has pretty much put me as such. I accepted it now. I can’t do anything right either.
i think you AREN’T garbage. and one opinion like that is worth more than 10million opinions saying you are… i think… i wish i could change your mind i wish i could help you…
It would… but the opinions of me being garbage are all from people who I value and give importance to. I honestly couldn’t care less what others think of me, but the people who I care about and I think are important are different. And… guess what? they all consider me garbage after awhile. Oh well.
._. guess u don’t care bout me then. but oh well. i think you are wo nderful! and i mean it…
I do care about you. A lot too.
): then shouldn’t me saying you matter and that you are wonderful count for something…
It does matter and it does count, but I still am garbage. It does make me feel a bit better than you care, but it doesn’t change how worthless I am.
): your not worthless… you are worth more than gold… you are unique and kind and sweet…you really are great…your worth alot…only fools can’t see that…
Then everyone in this world must be a fool. It doesn’t matter anymore. I already built into my mind that I am worthless trash. Scum. Thanks for saying all that though. It does make me happy inside that you think that even though it’s not entirely true.
*coughitistotallytruecough* ):> i’ll unbuild that in your mind then… tear it down like a poorly build paper tower… then i’ll build you a new tower, one that’s filled with the truth, that you are truely amazing…
That would be nice if you can. But it’s sort of built into me throughout my life. Everyone has treated me as such after awhile. No matter who it was, they eventually saw me as a hassle or unwanted trash. So I’ve learned to think of myself as such now.
well even if it’s a challenge i have to try, right! you’re honestly too important to let slip away… your a wonderful person, and i wanna make sure you see that others feel that way about you too… but mostly i wanna make sure you see I feel that way…cuz i really do care…
I know you care.. and thank you for it. It does make me a bit happier to know you do.
I’m not wonderful. I’m useless. I’m pessimistic. Depressed. Suicidal. No one can stand being with me. I kinda don’t want to wait until my due date. And my birthday just got worse, as you probably already know.
deep plz dont think all thses things about u. cuz they are so not true they just arnt plz stop
i’m glad that you know i care… (:>
you ARE wonderful. you are NOT useless though… even if you are depressed and suicidal i still care about you… i like being around you, your sweet and kind… PLEASE at least wait until the date… and i’m sorry ur b-day got worse ):> *hugs*
@life sucks thin u die: idk… I keep thinking they are true. It’s fact.
@Maeliin: -hugs back- I like being around you too… and yeah.. I’ll try to wait until the date. It’s only about 2 or so weeks from now… though it seems like forever to me now..
Happy Birthday buddy! And as if you family forgot! How rude! Oh well dont worry bout them you have all of us. Big hugs from me 🙂
*hugs tight* i’m still going to try to extend your date… i don’t want you to go…you mean too much to me… i care about you too much ): so much… i wish i could make all your pain and trouble go away…
@crying on the inside : Thanks. -hugs you back- Yeah, they did, though after I remind them… I did get cake though. But after it, we didn’t really do anything. Just cut the cake and went our separate ways again.
@Maeliin: -hugs you tightly back- you can try if you want… though I’m not really worth trying. I wish you could too and that I could make you feel better if you’re not well. I care about you and you mean a lot too.
I turn 39 tomorrow, now one more year till 40. I never thought I’d make it this far because in fact, I didn’t want to. I’m transgendered and preop, and I always said if I couldn’t get it by 40 then goodbye cruel world. It seems every step I take towards my goal (suicide) I’m pushed back two steps and forced to make concessions for other people, and I’m fucking tired of it…
Leave me the fuck alone to do what I most desire…