I’m sorry if I cause drama or something on here. But I feel like I’m safe to pour my heart out on here. Because the name of it is” suicideproject.org”.
I’ve been dealing with depression for the last like 7 months. It’s gotten worse over the past months I’ve been trying to forget about it. It went away for awhile but it came back after a while. I’m to the point where I hate myself and my life so much that I just want to end it all and then the pain will cease. I’ve been thinking about the most painful ways to kill yourself, and then there’s the most less-painful ways to kill yourself like sometimes overdosing, depending on what you overdose on. I want to just take lots of pills, and fall into a deep sleep and never wake up. Because honestly, life is too hard for me right now. With all the negative influences in my life. I’ve gotten too close to them to just easily let go like I can others. I sent my best friend a text saying” I don’t understand why God made me 🙁 I’m a worthless human being who deserves nothing but death. Â I hate myself I just wish I could be somebody else. That’s all I want right now. No guy, no love, nothing 🙁 not to even go to georgia this summer. I just want God to end my life so I can stop this suffering, that’s what’s bringing me down to the point where I want to end my own life <‘(” <—- part of the suffering is because I remembered all the hell I went through almost 5 months ago. One night, I got so upset, I actually grabbed my razor(use to be my best, best, BEST friend), and cut myself around 36 times. All on my arms, but I didn’t do it so deep that people could notice it. I still have 4 marks on my arm from that night where I cut too deep. I have like 8 scars on my left arm that are very noticeable. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m not suppose to be here, and that I need to die or something. Every time I see a chance to hurt myself, or even potentially kill myself, I want to take it really bad. But I don’t. Cause what are my two best friends suppose to do? I’d hurt everyone who knew me, especially my parents.
I asked my mom about 2 months ago to take me to my counselor and have me put on some depression pills. But she blew me off, saying” you don’t have depression”. The next day, I looked up the symptoms, and I noticed I had all of the symptoms of it. I told my mom again, she still blew me off.
I wish one of these days, my knight and shining armor, would come and save my life before it’s too late </3