This is going to be quite a large vent, maybe it’ll help sort things out.
Pissed off. One of our friends, Lets call her Zoan, has litterally fucked us all over. She’s talked about all of us behind our backs, she’s been a hypocrite, and she’s tried to break a couple up within out circle of friends. Everyone despises her. Thing is, she’s having family issues, and she supposedly cut herself. What the fuck am I supposed to do, if it’s fake, and I go back to her, she’ll do everything all over again. But if it’s not fake. I’ll have another friend who self harms.
My friend, (let’s say Emily) self harms because of family issues. She’s told me, vented to me etc etc, she knows I’ve done it. We’ve swapped stories and showed scars, thing is though, she only did little cuts on her wrists, I did longer ones on my shoulder. She did it all over her shoulder last night, and think she’ feeling it’s a compition, like if she doesn’t do it like me. I won’t care.
Also, she’s treating it like it’s something we can socialise over. I don’t want that. She even smiles and laughs, and goes ‘Oh I did it again!LOLOL, wanna see”. It’s frustrateing.
When I like someone, I like then for a long time, I’ve only properly like three guys, first one, for 6 months, second, a year and a half, third one, I still kinda like after almost two years.
Number 1, fucked off, number 2, fucked off, and number three. You guess it. Fucked off. Each of them leaving me shattered, and wondering wtf went wrong. Now, I like another guy, and I’m so bloody afraid he’ll do the same. Get me attached, tell me he’ll never let me go, that he loves me. And then as soon as I need him, he’ll fuck off. I’ve had enough of that. And I’m getting to the point of thinking of avoiding him. Yes, I’ve only known him for a little while, but does that really matter? It still hurts.
Well, This is something that I just can’t seem to let go of, It involves issue 1 and 3. Zoan, met Charlie, and he jokingly said “I wanna marry you” to Zoan, and of course she had to go on and on about how she ha him and I don’t. I fucking hate her for it. She has no idea how much that hurt, and how pissed off I am at her for it. God, I just want to make her pay for saying that. I really do, I’m a really forgiving person, someone can kill my dog, and I’ll forgive them like that. But this, I just can’t seem to let go of it. I just. Urgh! I wanna kill her!
Done, vent gone.