I allowed my first suicidal thought to take shape when I was in the fifth grade. That was 22 years ago. Suicidal thoughts have never left me since. There are days when I feel like I cannot live another second of this life and other days are somewhat easier. I hope I am not one of those that will live to be a hundred. How does one explain to someone this feeling that never goes away? When you try, they seem to brush you off because they are frightened and can’t deal with it or they get upset and say the wrong things. Nothing gets resolved. Instead you learn to keep quiet and try to deal with this secret that never seems to go away.