Life seems absolutely impossible and unbearably pointless. I struggle with depression, anorexia, self harm, etc. I’m constantly stuck in this endless cycle. My mood starts to drop, then I start restricting as it gives me some sense of control and relief then once my health starts going down the drain people start taking that control away and I end up in hospital on a feeding tube and iv. And that’s when I realize that I have no choice but to eat otherwise I’ll be living in hospitals. THEN once I start to eat and begin gaining weight, my mood reeeally drops and I basically just say “screw everyone” and stop taking my meds, stop going to school, sleep ALL the time, self harm and basically do shit all with my life. If you’re just going to tell me to try breaking the cycle, I’ve heard it a million times and really don’t need to hear it again. I’m done. I’m done living in this hell. I truly have no way of escaping this. Everytime I go into my appointment with my therapist or psychiatrist, I’m giving them another chance to fix me. I’ve been waiting over 2 years for them to come up with something that will truly fix me and they’ve yet to find anything. I’ve tried meds, therapy, hospitals, group homes, day treatment centers, EVERYTHING. Maybe I just have to face the fact that I may be incurable, that they really may never be able to fix me. And I’d rather die than live with the fact that I actually can’t get better. Give me a reason I shouldn’t take a rope and tie it around my neck. Give me a reason I can fight for. Give me a reason to live. Because nobody else can. And I’m running out of time.