General So, I just took 5 ibuprofen by Xia 4/11/2011 written by Xia 4/11/2011 I’m taking things slowly, so we’ll see how this goes. I know this won’t kill me. But this is the first step in destroying myself. So here we go. 19 comments 0 Email Related posts Shit Show 10/26/2021 Disappointment. 10/25/2021 hollow 10/25/2021 :B P.R.I.D.E 10/25/2021 Biased assholes 10/24/2021 10/23/2021 Protected: Why i cant be your friend… 10/23/2021 Choose to live? 10/23/2021 Reasons to Live 10/22/2021 This photo perfectly summarizes how I feel 10/22/2021 19 comments mangomango 4/11/2011 - 6:32 pm Why do you want to destroy yourself? Why do you want to die? Do you want to talk about it? email@example.com or AIM your semaphore. I’d love just to listen. Log in to Reply blackqwert 4/11/2011 - 6:33 pm asvfderfhjrty Log in to Reply Xia 4/11/2011 - 6:35 pm …is that an acronym or just a mash of letters? Log in to Reply blackqwert 4/11/2011 - 6:36 pm It’s a acronym work it out Log in to Reply Xia 4/11/2011 - 6:39 pm :/ i have no idea with acronyms what is it? Log in to Reply Open Diary 4/11/2011 - 6:47 pm You’re probs just going to get your stomach pumped now, which isn’t very pleasant.. Log in to Reply Xia 4/11/2011 - 7:10 pm That’s only going to happen if someone takes me. If I stay in my dorm all night then I won’t be going anywhere. And how long does it take for the pills to start doing anything? It’s already been an hour, and I still feel fine. Log in to Reply Open Diary 4/11/2011 - 7:13 pm Just keep waiting.. You’ve taken enough. Log in to Reply Xia 4/11/2011 - 7:20 pm So what will it be like, besides severe nausea and stomach pains i must assume? Log in to Reply Open Diary 4/11/2011 - 7:44 pm I’m not even sure, can’t say I’ve tried it myself. Log in to Reply Open Diary 4/11/2011 - 7:46 pm Here’s a question: Why do you want to die? Log in to Reply Xia 4/11/2011 - 8:11 pm It’s hard to explain. It seems like no matter what I do, I don’t accomplish anything. Or it doesn’t feel like I accomplish anything. Like if I do well in a class, or I make a really cool drawing. I just look at it and go, “that’s nice, so what?” I try to get somewhere but nothing happens. “Try harder” doesn’t seem to do anything either. In fact I’m now caring less about well, everything. I don’t care about school. I don’t care about the people I love. I’m also not caring if I want to be alive or not. If I could describe myself, there’s the logical side and my emotional side. My logical side is trying to keep me alive. “I have people who love me, and I have a career that I want to go into after I graduate. These people see worth in me, but why don’t I?” to sum it up. My emotional side is a wreck. It constantly switches between fear and apathy on a daily basis. Every time I’m around people I have to try to act normal and happy. I shouldn’t have to do that, but I do. I hate it when people try to help me because it makes me feel like I can’t do anything by myself. But when I try to take charge everything just falls apart. There are days when I wonder if the world just hates me. It’s funny, and I hate it. Does that explain well enough, or do you want me to explain more? Log in to Reply Xia 4/11/2011 - 8:12 pm Also, it’s been two hours and nothing. All I’m getting is bored. Guess I might as well do my homework since I have class tomorrow. :/ Log in to Reply Open Diary 4/11/2011 - 9:07 pm Ha, surprisingly, your description of what you feel sounds a lot like me. Yeah, to be honest, you would of had to take about 18 pills for it to have any effect, maybe the whole packet. Log in to Reply Open Diary 4/11/2011 - 9:09 pm I know EXACTLY how you’re feeling, so I understand why you want to commit suicide. Have you seen a psychologist? What keeps me going is seeing people on tv and looking at how happy they are, without a worry or doubt in the world, and I truly inspire to be like them one day. Just to have pure happiness. Log in to Reply Open Diary 4/11/2011 - 9:10 pm I know EXACTLY how you’re feeling, so I understand why you want to commit suicide. Have you seen a psychologist? What keeps me going is seeing people on tv and looking at how happy they are, without a worry or doubt in the world, and I truly inspire to be like them one day. Just to have pure happiness, and a real smile. Log in to Reply Xia 4/11/2011 - 9:24 pm I don’t have enough money to so see a psychologist, though I probably should. If I make it through this next month and go back home I want to see what I can do to go see one. I’ll try to get medical insurance of some kind cause my family is low income. I was covered my my mom’s but when I turned 18 it stopped for me, so I need to get some for when I’m at home. When I’m at school, the school covers all students, but I don’t have any kind of cover when I’m at home. I really do wonder how I’m able to keep going each day. I guess acting like I’m on autopilot helps. :/ Log in to Reply scarswithmarshmellows 4/12/2011 - 1:05 am … I don’t understand if the people commenting on this are joking or actually think that’s a serious dose. I regularly take 6 for a headache because that stuff is so weak. If you go to the ER saying you took 5, I would not be surprised one bit if they laughed at you. You literally could not have picked a worse drug to try to OD on. It would very literally take at least 2 full size bottles to make you sick and sooo many more than that to kill you. You’d be physically unable to swallow more and would probably throw up before it even gets into your system in a significant dose. Seriously, do some reading or something. Log in to Reply mangomango 4/12/2011 - 1:43 am Well, I for one am glad it was too low of a dose. Xia, please do hold on for the next month at least. If it helps just to look forward to maybe seeing a psychologist, hold on to that if you can. If you want help making it that far, please don’t hesitate to e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org. We can just talk about anything you like. I understand that you might be in a sort of crossroads in your life and you’re not sure what the purpose is. I think we’ve all been there to some degree. You don’t have to give up on yourself because of your confusion or depression. Lots of people go through this and it is totally okay to feel this way, but you are worth looking after and your life is worth fighting for. I wonder if you have ever explored faith in terms of finding worth in yourself? I personally have found it immensely uplifting to know that there is an omnipotent, all-knowing, loving God who not only made me, but knows me and wants to have a relationship with me. If you want to know more about that, drop me a line or check out knowgodpersonally.org. But even if you don’t want to talk about all that, I’d love just to listen to what’s going on in your life. And I’d actually really like to see one of those ‘really cool drawings’. 🙂 Log in to Reply Leave a Comment Cancel ReplyYou must be logged in to post a comment.Subscribe to comments: Don't subscribe All Replies to my comments Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting.