As strange as it sounds, hanging myself has become my coping. I tie a cord around my neck and hang there for a little while until I start fading in and out. It just, I don’t know. The feeling of being so close to death comforts me. My life is at the worst its ever been, or should I say, my head. Everything around me is just fading away, becoming so incredibly meaningless. And I’m just stuck in this complete blackout in my head. I feel completely numb to the point where I can’t stand it anymore. I always thought I wanted to be numb, completely impeccable to anything that comes my way. Honestly, I thought it meant strong. But I was soo, sooo wrong. I now realize that numb means falling to fucking pieces but not giving a shit. It’s actually hell. I have a feeling one of these days, I’m going to go to hang myself intending to get back down once I reach that satisfaction.. but I’m not going to be able to. Because all I want is to fade to nothing.