The last time the dreams felt this vivid, this real, it was before I attempted suicide three nights in a row, now I know what I am supposed to do. I failed my friends. It’s time I take the blade to my heart. I’m sorry it had to come down to this. I’m sorry I never got to know any of you…It’s my time. Farewell my brethren, I’ll see you on the other side…
80 comments
Wait man don’t go yet, let’s sort this problem out
There’s nothing more to sort out. It’s time for the damned to be punished, it’s time for me to face my reward for this life.
wait another day, PLEASE just a few more days. see how it goes. come on man.
what have you done that deserves such bad punishment? We can compare
I caused someone to shoot their brains out. I told him no one cares if he leaves. He believed me. He killed himself. I got his diary, he said and I quote “I’m sorry that I wasn’t good enough for this world, but I want you to know, your words were the last straw that broke the camel’s back…good bye.”
I let go of any hope of living then.
Don’t blame yourself. He did it, not you. Killing yourself won’t make what happened any better. Please don’t kill yourself.
I will finally suffer for what I caused. It will make my soul rest slightly easier
you could die or you could use this experience to help others in similar situations
It makes me sad to see you suffer 🙁 . You cannot blame yourself for the actions of others. It was his choice. You don’t deserve to be punished. Please.
a_bartlett:
Who could want help from someone so broken? Someone who’s done all they can to save others, while paying no heed to her own safety? It’s too much for me to bear anymore…
razor wire:
I was the one who pushed him over the edge… It’s my fault…It’s truly time for me to leave. I don’t deserve even the remotest bit of comfort now.
I guess at his stage anything could have pushed him over the edge. If you kill yourself now, nothing is won.
From where you are now, there’s only the way up. Forget about all the shit around you and just give yourself a chance. Live your life. It can only get better.
No, it can get far far far worse. And it is.
but now it can’t get worse anymore. I’ve rushed into bedrock. Now rise again. I know you can.
What has happed now that’s so terrible? And if you don’t want to think about it then just don’t. Think about kittens instead.
I wanted to say you’ve rushed into bedrock, of course. Sorry my hands are trembling.
I let everyone down, I let them see my mask slip. They saw the demon in my heart, and eracted the way I knew they would…they pushed away and hoped I’d die
Maybe they are scared because of your demon. They’re just weak. Too weak to face what reality can do to someone. But I don’t believe they want you to die. They just don’t understand.
And even if someone said you should die, why them should he deserve to live and you not?
I offer you again: show me your demons. Only if you feel like it of course.
Hehe…They should be scared. It’s led me to think of murdering everyone in my family, or killing myself in terrible gruesome ways.
My demon would be difficult to notice razor wire…
Well yeah your demon is well grown up. That still doesn’t mean you deserve to die.
I’ve also had (or have) my demon. The human mind can produce gruesome shit.
It does mean I deserve to die… I feel like dying. Even my parents agree it would be for the best…I asked them if someone had a monster in their heart that wanted them to kill someone, if it would be better for the person to die, and they said yes
haha but you didn’t tell them it’s about you, that’s unfair.
There are other ways to restrain your monster. Trust me. I know the urge to kill. I’ve wished to make so many people suffer. But I never did it.
If you feel like dying, there’s not much I can do about that. You’re allowed to find your peace. But I don’t get that you want to punish yourself. There are others that deserve it far more.
If I live any longer, the monster will take over. I am punishing myself for never getting help…May God have mercy.
You can get better. Get help now. You can beat this.
The monster does not have to take over.
I fear the same day after day. But yet, it hasn’t. It has to be possible to banish it. Maybe we could help each other to find a way. You have a good heart, otherwise the monster would have already won. You will stay in control.
A guy called Machiavelli once said something like “if one loses all his fear, he becomes fearful for others.” It’s not fully applicable, but i like the idea. You have definitely reached the void. You see nothing more to live for. In this situation, you are free to do whatever you want, all possibilities lay to your feet. What is there that you’ve always wanted to do? And what can now stop you from doing it?
Look, I want you to think about it, you have all the time you need. Some douche bag wants me to grab something to eat. Can I leave you for now? When I come back, I would be glad to see you’re still here.
Please don’t give up on yourself.
will692:
Alas, I am incapable of getting help. I should, I could, but I won’t. I couldn’t possibly bother anyone more than I already have…Farewell. I believe this will be the last time we ever speak… I’m sorry.
razor wire:
You can go. I’ll think about it. There’s alot I wish to do, but there’s not enough time. I plan on today being my last day.
You won’t be a bother. People who can help, really do want to help you. They would love to help. I don’t want to see you go.
Oh will692…if only I could believe you
Just try to get better. Talk to a therapist. Talk to a family member. You can get help and get better.
spaghetti – they were awful today
With a world population of 6 Billion (and increasing), your chances of getting helped are pretty good. will692 is right, there are people who love you and who will help you, whatever it takes.
An advantage of being suicidal is that you know your date of death, and you can adjust it. If you come up with something you want do do, you can set your date to a later occasion. Death can wait for you.
What do you wish to do than?
will692:
I don’t know if I want to get better though.
razor wire:
I want to know what it’s like actually love. Not be afraid of being pushed away, I wish to save just one person from the monsters…Alas time ticks by too fast
You will feel like getting better if you give yourself more time. You may also see how wonderful life can be. You can find love.
my impression is that time goes by too slowly… But time always ticks the same (well, mostly), and so far it has proven to be a good speed.
However, if you’re 99 years old than time may be rare, but if you’re like 20 you have all the time you want. You just have to recognize that. I don’t know how old old you are but i’d guess its closer to the 20 than to 99.
I can’t tell you where you will find actual love. I can’t even tell for myself. But there is. Somewhere. Maybe closer than you think.
I was advised to do some sort of martial arts to release pressure. That could be a way of letting out your demon in a controlled way. I don’t know, it depends on your personality. It’s just a thought.
I’m younger than 20….And my hourglass will cease to fill.
Just how old are you you sound young.
you say you talked some in to killing them self.
What? if some one take’s there life it’s there choice
You feel that you bullied them?
I’m a minor…Not comfortable in saying my real age…
and it was my fault. My fault. I told him, when I was angry, how I felt at that moment, and then he took his life. My fault.
MY FAULT.
Don’t listen to an inanimate object. Break it. Hourglasses are outdated anyway.
I’m not saying you are too young to commit suicide, but you have so much potential. I think your age is biologically intended to find love.
And what can you tell, all I’ve been doing the last 2 hours was sitting here talking to you, because I care about you. And I don’t even know you. That should prove that it IS possible.
Bullshit his life his choice.
lol blackqwert your commenting style is unique
but he’s totally right. You can’t really talk someone into suicide. The decision has to have been made before. (does my gramma
It’s not your fault.
…r suck that bad?!)
why do you cut my comment, stupid internet.
…I refuse to live in a world where I cannot see those who care about me. I refuse to live. I’m sorry. You should have used your time saving someone else…not me
So what happend she broke up with you?
You can’t see us. that’s a good/sad point. But there are people worth loving nearer to you. I’m confident of that.
I’m sorry I can’t give you more. And I wouldn’t want to spend my time differently.
I still hope you reconsider, sleep about it once again.
But if you choose not to, well, than I at least hope you’ll find your peace.
Just do me a favor, don’t kill yourself in order to punish you, or because you think you deserve it, that’s just wrong. If you do it, than just to free yourself. You have the right to die a peaceful death.
I installed that yahoo crap because of you. So do that for me at least.
In case we never spake again…
Farewell
@blackqwert
what? no.
I just cared for her.
Razor i was talking to just. Anyway
Razor cared for who?
I cared for just; who do you think just broke up with?
@blackqwert:
I’ve been left by everyone I dare love or reach out to.
@razor wire:
If I live tomorrow…I’ll stay alive. I’ll go to Church and pray to God.
@ just that happen’s lot more people in the word.
@razor what’s up with you
if you want to talk.
Yes do that. God won’t turn away. And neither do other people. Just do those things you like to do. And you will find people capable of helping you and loving you, with all your demons. :3
@black thx but I don’t feel like talking now.
No matter what though, my breaths are numbered
Ok maybe your right.
I say wait. See how when you 23.
Give your life a chance
It can’t get any worse! So you have nothing to lose if you give it another try
Like I said on the other post…
I’ll try…
I’m glad to hear that.
And I think you just punched your demon in the face.
See? You are strong!
I’m not strong.
you dont have to be strong just suborn
Yes you are.
Otherwise you wouldn’t be here now 😉
Trust in our own strength, or at least believe us when we tell you you’re strong.
Just stubborn…Maybe…
yes sorry i am not help
talk later then
haha
indeed that helps a lot.
I am not strong…….
You should stop telling yourself you weren’t strong enough.
That’s psychological warfare. Do not insult yourself.
You should say “I am strong”. if you can’t do that yet, you could start with “I am NOT weak”. And then move on.
(I’m getting tired, I hope this doesn’t sound stupid…)
Justathought… don’t even begin to imagine that you are a horrible or weak person. I horribly insulted a depressed girl for a year and I don’t even know if she’s still alive. I never knew anything about strength or pain or demons. now, here I am. I can’t regret my choice more but it’s just like razorwire said, If you die now then everything you live for is lost and all those that you love are dead. not because of you but because you’re sick. that demon that decided to choose you is trying like hell to kill you. Love may seem cruel but that’s how you can kill that bastard. I’m praying for you as well.
once again Razor’s right. he’s a genius I wish I could be as encouraging as him.
Justathought… Please… are you ok?
Please just be ok.
justathought, are you still with us?
I don’t want to get annoying, so if you don’t feel like talking, that’s fine. Just hope your alright.
Oh I wrote you an e-mail, today i think. I get the impression you didn’t get it. Just about that yahoo thing if you still feel like it my mail is aegis_of_dusk @ yahoo . com (no spaces, as we know)
@fellowsufferer the comments of you I’ve seen so far are encouraging!
(lol big fat spider crawling over my keyboard)
razor wire:
Thank you for helping…
fellowsufferer:
I don’t know why ya’ll care! but No I’m not okay. I’ll never be okay.
I just don’t know how to thank you…that’s all…and did I show you the forbiddenlovers email?
Just don’t worry about things that already happened, the scars on your arm aren’t what they seem to be, they’re just scars, mistakes and they don’t matter anymore. what matters is that they don’t control you. that’s the best way to thank us… by not suffering any more over an unchangeable misfortune.
um.. yes actually you did. Found it again.
And don’t worry about the future too much. You will be alright. Just live your life now to the fullest.
fellowsufferer:
There are more scars on my legs. Each scar forms part of a letter.
30 cuts to form the words
Trust
No
One
and who wrote those words? you? or the demon? they’re just words… you don’t need them you don’t need anything that THAT Demon tried to force down your throat. trust is difficult, and everyone I know has failed me too. even with the smallest easiest things. they have the pleasure of ignorance but they have no idea what life is. and they chicken out whenever anything uncomfortable comces by. you don’t need to trust them, but you need to trust someone, someone trustworthy. I trust God because he doesn’t fail. He may let things get horrible but if you trust him, then He will help you. that’s just what I believe.
I wrote them. Not the demon.
Justathought… I’m sorry, I don’t want to argue. I just don’t know what else to say, I biked from my house to my school, snuck in and logged into one of the computers just to see if you were ok. and now I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry…
Heh. Life goes on…and who knows? I might be around to witness that
Hey justathought, I need to get some sleep. I’ll be back tomorrow.
I hope you’ll sleep well. And When you get up tomorrow, think of it as “the first day of the rest of your life” try to start over again. Do cool things.
(I think I got that quote from a movie, but I don’t know which one)
You’re awesome.
Everyone have a good evening.
Justathought, If this keeps coming, please just think of everyone and everything that you Love and we Love you too.
Good night razor wire.
fellowsufferer:
Alright…I’ll try < 3