Hi there, I’m new here, so I guess I’ll just sum up my story..
I’ve had depression since I was a child, and have been attempting suicide since I was about 11. I’ve opened up to a few people who were close to me in my life, but they have either left me after that, or told me I just need to grow up. I’ve even told my mother how bad it was and that I need help, but don’t know how to go about it, but she just sighs and tells me to stop expecting her to do everything for me. Currently, I have no friends, no boyfriend, my family does love me but refuse to listen to me, no job, and come May will have no where to live. I’m stuck and hopeless, and know now that this is finally the time where I’ll get the courage to end it all. I am a wonderful person, and I know I have so much potential, but I just have made a lot of mistakes in my life, and that’s all anyone ever wants to see. I’ve been living in a never-ending black hole my whole life that I just can’t get out of, no matter how hard I try, or how happy I try to be. I just wish someone could have listened to me before it was too late.
6 comments
Time’s not up yet….
It’s never too late. It seems like nothing is ever going to be better and I wish I could be there for you, because it sounds like you feel exactly how I did not so long ago. If your mother will listen to a random person from the internet who can relate, tell her to get you help. My mother said the same exact thing and it took me driving my car off the road and trying to flip it over and make my suicide look like an accident to get her to listen to me. I’d hate to know that anywhere in the world, somebody else was thinking of anything equally as desperate.
Don’t give up. I feel like you do have so much to offer. Something that has helped me is to stop thinking about all of the things that I don’t have or have done wrong. I know I have made mistakes but dwelling on them makes me feel like crap. When I think about all of the beautiful things in my life I feel so much better. It can be simple things like a beautiful sunrise or a kind person at the grocery store or the health that I have. It’s not too late. I am willing to listen to you. If you think you need professional help, there are many people you can talk with that do not charge any money. I can send you some links if you need any help. Just know that the best times in life are yet to come 🙂
Its never too late. There isn’t any obligation for anyone to maximize their potential. You sound like a sensitive and nice person. It feels sad and lonely but don’t punish yourself just because people don’t appreciate you.
You’re great the way you are, period.
I’ve taken 90 panadols before and hospitalized 7 hours later, intoxicated. Then i felt like life was totally hopeless and death would be really peaceful for me.
What i discovered, life is never hopeless. there’re still nice person out there and nice things to experience. Talk to me, lets work something out.
Slackey, you seem like a fantastic gal. First off, go easy on yourself, you want to be your best ally in a fight, and you’re in a fight for your place in the world.
With a truly loving family, they don’t show up when it’s convenient, they get in the trench with you and help you. My family claims to love me but they’re not in the trench with me…so I have to fight myself, that’s the reality for me. It’s disheartening but the reality. Life is about timing. Take stock on how things have gone and learn the lesson…when you integrate the pain and the lessons you’ve gone through and choose to LOOK FORWARD instead of brooding about the past and beating yourself up for it, you can move up and out of this whole….it’s the journey that you best focus on , not how well or how poorly YOU THINK it’s all going.
Who cares what other people have noticed about your mistakes or whatever. You are the actor and director of your own life so you get to choose what will help you and what doesn’t work. Live your life for you, and not for the approval from anyone. You have a great vibe, and you know this about yourself. A mistake is not a mistake, it’s part of the design of life which is actually in support of your growth. It’s a positive however the majority of people don’t look at it like that….the Rudyard Kipling poem comes to mind “If”. You’re a brighter light than you think, you just need to find the fight in you to stand up for what you want, accept everything you’ve ever done , forgive yourself, let go, and Just Do It… Cheers
Slackey, you don’t need to end it here. If you’ve made mistakes, so have the rest of us. I believe in a God who forgives mistakes…. who paid for them himself by dying for our sins so we could be forgiven and live better lives for ourselves and for others. You don’t have to live for your mistakes! http://www.knowgodpersonally.org/ if you want to know more. Even if you don’t believe that, if you’re not there, that’s OK – don’t give up on yourself. You’re worth keeping going.
“There’s a girl in the corner
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she’s wandered
And the shame she can’t hide
She says, “How did I get here?
I’m not who I once was.
And I’m crippled by the fear
That I’ve fallen too far to love”
But don’t you know who you are,
What’s been done for you?
Yeah don’t you know who you are?
You are more than the choices that you’ve made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You’ve been remade. ”
Send me an e-mail if you’d like to chat: carin@uoguelph.ca