Hello again, fellow travelers. It’s been several months since we’ve posted on here. It was under Scars’ username and she doesn’t want me using it. I’ll leave some of my story here.
My name is Evin. I’m 17 years old, an atheist, and a monster. I’m one of three alters of our host who I’ll call Scars. She was diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder) when she was 16. I showed up soon after that. We have never been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder out of choice and probably never will because anything major we do is voted on. All of us have been coexisting for less than 1 year as that’s when the most recent showed up. I’m a balancer and lately I’ve been doing a terrible job.
Scars is…well, Scars. I have a hard time explaining her. She’s the root of all of us. I consider her my sister/brother. From what we collectively know, she went through a lot of psychological sadism as a kid along with physical sadism. Other than a few rare outsiders, we’re the only people she’s ever trusted and even then, none of them know about all of us. Technically, we don’t fit the diagnosis for DID because only two of us front with any regularity.
I’m frightened and I’m not exactly sure how to express why. Anxious and on edge is more accurate. Everyone has been very quiet for awhile now. Very, very quiet. There’s this sense that we’ve all just given up. Scars has been talking to me for a long time, years and years, that she’d just like to die and slowly more of us agree. I’ve been considering just disappearing but she made me for a reason and I can’t just turn my back.
Really there’s only one of us left that’s opposed to the idea of taking the rope Scars bought when no one else was looking and jumping off of the bridge. She’s gotten pretty good at tying nooses and secure knots so I don’t see any reason it wouldn’t work.
There’s just no point. We’ve dug so far down that there is no sky over our heads anymore. Just towers of dirt and shadows.
Anyway, that’s where we are. I like talking to people. I never get to do it offline and I love hearing people’s stories. Feel free to send me your’s or just say hello at scarswithmarshmellows AT yahoo DOT com. I don’t know how often I’ll get to check it but I’ll do the best I can.