i dont have it too bad. my parents care about me, i have a girlfriend who i get along with, and a friend who i do lots of stuff with. tho recently me and my girlfriend seem to be growing apart, and shes the only reason i still live, and i totaled my car yesterday. for a while the thoughts went away but now, i have a suicide kit ready, that involves alcohol, a razer blade and around 70 ibuprofen. if i get to get some i may also get a lighter, a fresh razer and sleeping pills. but why do i still want to die?
3 comments
Lose the kit.
I know I make it sound so simple but you know it only takes a moment for you to act on your suicidal thoughts. It doesn’t really matter why you’re still here. Just stay for a while. Get some sleep. Grab something to eat and drink all your water. Survive. Shut out the pain. You’re going to have to do that sometimes, shut out the pain. There may be times you feel things for no reason. Check your motives before you start allowing yourself to get too emotional. It’s worth it, and you’re worth the time it took me to write this. Getting past pain helps keep it all in perspective. I still cry. Hell, I still rush to my car at work sometimes so I can breakdown crying over my steering wheel. I used to think about shooting myself with the loaded guns my roommate insisted on leaving around the house. I recently moved because I’m afraid I may randomly be in a bad state of mind and within reach of a firearm. It’s so hard to care when you’re in pain. Stop investing thought into finding a way out. John Steinbeck has always helped me. All of it is temporary, you are not. Nothing is going to hurt worse than this, anything that’s driving you to kill yourself is all about the same brand of terrible.
wow… quitemad that was incredible…
I’m sorry to hear you’re growing apart from your girlfriend. That happens sometimes… sometimes it’s the natural course of a friendship, and sometimes something goes wrong. If you want to talk about it, I know people on here like to talk or you can email me (email below). And, that really sucks about your car — was anyone hurt? You OK?
Quitemad is quite right. 🙂 If you lose the kit, you will have more time to think about what you really want before you act on an impulse you might regret. Killing yourself is FOREVER. You can’t undo it. You can never decide to live again. You can always decide to kill yourself later.
I see you’re expressing yourself a lot on here in poetry – keep doing that, if it helps you understand your pain. Self-expression can be really key. And it’s nice to see you around.
I don’t know what you believe, but I believe that you are dearly loved by God. That Jesus died to save you because He considers you worth saving. He died to save us not just from our sins, but from our sorrow; eventually, if you trust him, you can know that when this life is over (on his timing), you will be in a safe place. For this reason and so many more, I care about you. If you want to know more about that (your choice) I recommend knowgodpersonally.org. If not, but you want to talk about anything – whatever you believe or don’t believe- send me an email (carin@uoguelph.ca) or AIM (your semaphore)…. love to talk about anything that’s on your mind. Sometimes it helps just to talk to someone you don’t see every day.
Hope & pray you feel better soon.