Can’t handle infirmity and pain that comes with age

May 31st, 2011by karate_dad


Life has been good to me in many ways and for the most part, I have really enjoyed my life and I am thankful for it. I rejoiced and thanked God when I could participate in physical activity: I enjoyed riding my bicycle, hiking and I was a good, I mean really good martial artist. In almost 35 years of working (post college) I have only had one week without income and my income has been by and large at least 2-3 times the average wage.  I have healthy children and 3/4 dozen grand kids. I have had the enjoyment or leaning many things, giving …

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My mask

May 31st, 2011by 77evergone77

This mask used to hide me,
Save me from any hurt.
Just smile and laugh,
They’ll all go away.
But slowly I died,
Stopped trying at all,
And now ,
This mask hides nothing.


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ugly fuck

May 31st, 2011by Broken.

mother just signed me up for modeling auditions. that ***** is mocking me. shes only doing it to fuck with my mind. i know im ugly as shit mom. no need for professionals to tell me. todays song of the day- ” i feel like im drowning in ice water
my lips have turned a shade of blue
im frozen with this fear
that you may disappear
before iv given you the truth…
i bleed my heart out on this paper for you
so you can see what i cant sayy
im dying here…im dying here
cause i cant say what i want to
i bleed my heart out just for you…”

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Seeing Things

May 31st, 2011by SuicideKillMe

I been seeing things
but they are not connected to strings.
Every corner i turn
it seems to burn.
All the faces i see
i feel like an escapee.
There thoughts
i can hear them loudly.
Its hard to run away
even when i pray.
Their eyes
they show a shadow if their past.
Haunted memories
flooded the place.
I cover my ears
so i cannot hear their painful moaning.
Im shaking in fear
as their words pierce me.
These are the things
i can not be free from.
I know i am not in much of help
but hearing your cries
makes me cry.

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May 31st, 2011by dancerina14

Another old song I found, there seems to be an abundance.

Do you think if I screamed

That you would hear me?

Do you think if I begged

That you would set me free?

If I gave you everything you wanted

Would you ever be satisfied?

Because sometime I’m not sure I’m granted

Anything except the tears I’ve cried

Years have gone by

And yet…nothing changes

Years have gone by

And yet…my life never rearranges

I’m always thinking

About shining armor and my knight that comes with it

I’m always blinking

But my happy ending never, ever commits

My life is rushing by my eyes

And I’m just sitting in a corner all alone

Can’t think through all these lies

I’m sure I’m on my …

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Always raining

May 31st, 2011by nor13

it just feels like its one of those days when you were a kid and the day sucked because you couldn’t go outside because of  some stupid rain. and there was nothing you could do about it. the rain never seems to stop for me and i live in Florida. it 107 degrees out side during the damn spring! it makes me want to die. or almost die so that they would stick me i some mental hospital were i can get away from everything i just want to be numb. like when you’ve been standing in the rain so long you don’t even feel …

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He’s not calling

May 31st, 2011by lalalala

So I tried to kill myself (with good reason) a couple months ago and this guy who’s been helping me get through stuff that I’ve known for over a year made me go to the hospital and it was traumatic hell and I’ve been more screwed up since then than I was before. I’ve only spoken to him a couple of times since then, and I talked to him yesterday and reiterated all the same stuff about how it’s his fault that I had to go to the hospital and how it was stupid and screwed me up and he won’t listen and keeps saying …

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May 31st, 2011by mimi

I’m sitting alone in my bedroom bringing myself to a conclusion and I feel like I want to break all my bones and tear open my skin. This is so chaotic and I can barely breathe, and I’m so PISSED off that I can’t just get it over with. I JUST WANT TO DO IT!

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May 31st, 2011by hailey_baby

beaten and brused you left her to lay
always she got back up with a smile
a smile she used for so many things
to hide everything and protect you
to show everyone everything was “great”
to make them think she was happy
she hid all those scars, brusies and tears
but now
those tears are slowly starin to fall
that smile is fading
all those things you told her are replaying in her head
so many problems you caused her
trust, love, happiness all things you ripped from her
once a happy happy girl now a sad misrable thing
you ripped her to pieces and left her
but now shes gone and youll regret it
she off working on getting …

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Clues to my past

May 31st, 2011by dancerina14

Was looking through some old stuff and found my old diary. Here’s some of my WAY old stuff, I guess I’ve always been depressing. Don’t read these if you want to read good poetry, I was very young when these were written. Here goes:

I’m that sock.

The one you left

In your locker

In your closet

On your floor

Without a pair.

Eventually, you forgot about me.

I’m that song.

The one you listened to


You knew all the lyrics

You always sang along

Then came a new song

And you forgot about me.

I’m that book

You read every night

When you were a child

You knew all the words

Then you grew up

And you forgot about me.

This second one is …

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For Nihilism00 (Day 1)

May 31st, 2011by dancerina14

This is dedicated to all of you lovely people out there, Brandon especially (I’m keeping with our deal ;] Tell me if I did well later ). This always makes me smile, I hope it makes you smile too. Don’t read into it too much. Just watch it, for the love of Mika! And for the love of watching a strange man dance in underpants? xD

Sorry, there’s probably a way to actually put the video up, but I fail at technology…so…deal with it.

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Have nothing left…

May 31st, 2011by dollfacedgirl

I’m almost 30 and living with my parents because I’m on disability
and don’t have the money to live on my own. I always wanted thought I’d be married with children and at least mildly successful.
Instead, I’m on a million different rotating medications to deal with
my post thyroidectomy complications, the side effects of the complications, the side effects of the side effects….I love my boyfriend, but I know he will never want the things in life I do..and I
can’t bring myself to tell him I had a chemical pregnancy after a birth control mishap when I had ovarian surgery.
I’m always sick with something, whether …

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Gotta push through

May 31st, 2011by dad

Today just keeps getting harder; not from without, just in my heart and mind.
Thanks to those who keep up the fight; and to those who can’t, I understand!

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Been a long time coming .

May 31st, 2011by Ess

South Africa’s freezing. I just arrived here.

when we loose all sense of self what happens to us? when we lie there and let whatever happen to you happen, what does it mean. why dont we care. what it is in us, which mechanism is it, which switch has been switched off, which candle has been burnt out, what is it that we lost. what is it as we grow older that we loose. innocence? hope? belief? I dont even know how my mind is clear enough to write this, to question questions. I dont kow how. My Medicine dosage has been upp’d. I am now on …

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May 31st, 2011by indifference

Today I came clean to one of my counselors. I told her that the suicidal thoughts are back, and I got to spend three periods in the sick bay listening to my music and the other three doing class. I didn’t let her call home. I can’t go through that again.

Turns out one of my best friends bitches about me behind my back, great… she probably only speaks to me for gossip anyway. I’m feeling like everyone is sick of hearing from me, sick of trying to solve my life. I’m feeling like everyone would be better off without me. Because they would be.

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almost there

May 31st, 2011by Moe

Yesterday morning I started to test my suicide project and after a few minutes I started to feel light-headed and dizzy I also felt a bit nauseated but I got out before I pass-out. Now I know that if I stayed longer it could’ve worked and I wouldn’t be here.

So that night I drank half the bottle of rhum and my body went numb, I also had no inhibitions of my feelings…. I took a warm shower while I was high. I was crying really hard and loud, my parents are not home so this I thought is the perfect timing. I was so high that …

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May 31st, 2011by Nihilism00

So here I am, less than ten minutes to go to school and everything just seems too much to handle any longer. My plan today, go to school get treated like I don’t exist come home get on computer and listen to music. What the fuck is wrong with my life, I do the same damn thing all the time. I haven’t done ANYTHING that is fun, I don’t go to events, social gatherings, or parties. Im desperate for love, I really am. I’m a fucking idiot teenager with no and no hope of ever having a Life. But then do I really care, does …

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May 31st, 2011by RogueShadow1281

I sit here on my ps3 wondering what to do…
I have finals this week and I know for certain I will fail 4/6 of the finals. I left my backpack at my dads house and in the morning I go to school, yet I am awake at 12:21 AM. I don’t really care, I feel tired and bored but I don’t want to sleep. I keep thinking I want to suffer for all the mistakes I made, even though I purposely made them because I don’t take the right chances/choices. I’m going to choke out now, I hope I die from brain damage soon …

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May 31st, 2011by lossofdesire

It’s not ok for you to see the cracks in me

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May 31st, 2011by wastedlife

I have come curiously close to the end, down
Beneath my self-indulgent pitiful hole,
Defeated, I concede and Move closer
I may find comfort here
I may find peace within the emptiness
How pitiful
It’s calling me…

And in my darkest moment, fetal and weeping
The moon tells me a secret – my confidant
As full and bright as I am
This light is not my own and
A million light reflections pass over me

Its source is bright and endless
She resuscitates the hopeless
Without her, we are lifeless satellites drifting

And as I pull my head out I am without one doubt
Don’t wanna be down here feeding my narcissism.
I must crucify the ego before it’s far too late
I …

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