I hve been reading this site for a while now and I wish you all the best. My story is incomparable to any of your problems but as far as everything is concerned I’m fed up with all the shits life brings as you know how every said sooner or later something good is bound to happen? Well its the opposite for me, every time things seems like it couldn’t get any worse it somehow does and ive finall reached my limit. For me life have become something painful and I wish it could end soon. Good luck to you all
June 2011
Ugh is suicide driving me to the edge. Did it just tied me up and push me off the cliff. Do i hate myself that bad that suicide is overpowering me. I crave the feeling of death. I crave the feeling that i wouldnt have to be here anymore. I know God wouldnt want this, but God doesnt know what i want. God doesnt understand how i feel. If Gid was so mightly he would had been there to help me conqure this. But where is her? Nowhere he is not here. They say he is everywhere. If he is everywhere he could help me […]
I remember the day everyone found out how pathetic I was. It was 6th grade and I was so mad at my best friend. Why I was doesn’t quite matter right now.Back then (and still) I was a poetry freak. So I wrote a hate poem about her and gave it to her.And I did the most stupidest thing any human being could do. I put my number in the end. Later that week I was called into the counselors office. They found it, the note. Apparently it fell out and one of the math teachers found it, called the number and eventually found out […]
But not quite.
This week has been really long. A lot of things happened to me in just a matter of days. Today, I had a huge breakdown and ran to the top of my stairs to stare down. I was contemplating suicide until my mother came to pull me away.
I was pissed off so I took a walk.
I was still contemplating suicide and I spotted a pedestrian walkway that did not have a stop light. “Perfect”, I thought. I continued to take the walkway, stopped in the middle of the road, and watched a car approach. I think everyone around me thought […]
I’ve tried suicide methods such as sleeping pills and other overdoses but none of them have ever worked.
I’ve figured that I’m too scared to try something that has a chance of causing lots of pain before death. I hate waking up after a suicide attempt but I’m even more scared of feeling the pain that is caused by things like landing wrong on a jump or hanging yourself wrong.
I wish I could just find a quick method to put me out of this misery.
There is no point to life at all.
Go get it. (i want to)
Any knife could cut your throat. (i hope so)
Just press hard enough. (i will)
I’m so confused by people’s actions. One day they love me, the next day they’re furious at me. I don’t think anyone will ever want me for this depression. I’m afraid that I will always be alone. I DON’T like being alone. this is what will drive me to suicide someday.
My life is falling apart a little more every day, though I try to ignore it.
But I have realized that it’s just building up inside me more and more.
Eventually I will explode and end it by suicide.
that’s just a fact.
I want to be loved and held, I WANT to be happier, but I know I […]
I’m having a really hard time living with my family. It’s one of those families that always think that they’re right and you’re wrong, always, with no exceptions. They’re feeding off my misery for god knows what reason. Maybe they get a kick out of it. Maybe it’s because their lives are so boring, dull, and bad, that they have to destroy mine to boost their egos and make them feel better. I’ll give you some insight into how my three sad excuses for family members are:
Mom: An irritable, impatient woman who is a coward. I used to trust her to stick up for me […]
Sometimes I get into a mood where I don’t want to see people anymore. Sometimes I get a feeling where I really need to talk to this one friend of mine. It’s convenient though, Â because this friend just stopped talking to me randomly. I told him everything, but then I had a fight with his girlfriend. I can see who is more important now. They’re not even a real couple. His girlfriend is the biggest ***** I have ever met, every time I think about her I want to cry. It’s her fault I feel like this, she made my friends say crap things to […]
Please excuse typos and such… I have a headache. >_o
I am in love, yes…
Even though through the past week I shivered every time I said “I love you too”?
I think I have a fever right now, so, I’m not sure if it’s my imagination.
He has xanax because he used to have anxiety issues… They’re the strongest ones you can get.
I’m not making jokes about taking them all because I’m depressed. It’s because I’m sick of living… It’s not that I *want* to die, it’s that I just don’t want to live anymore.
I can’t leave him, I never will. I love it when he’s being an […]
I wear dark hoodies during the summer because I’m to self concious to do otherwise.
Yes mom, I know exactly where those cuts are from, I put them there.
The entire year you tried to convince me you wheren’t a douchy hipster, I didnt believe you because I liked you too much, I don’t like you anymore and I now realise that you really are just a douchy hipster.
The most hurtful words anyone ever said to me hurt me more then they should have.
I always feel like people are talking about me or hate me more then they actually do.
I lied […]
sI am a walking disease.
If I’m willing
I will drink a cup of bleach.
If I wasn’t allow to teach
then throw me a rope.
As I teach myself
to hang from a beam.
Was it a dream?
to be a walking anorexia.
A human who can’t feed herself
properly to perfection.
Was not eating an infection
that consumes my everything.
I am a walking disease
who can’t be trusted by a knife?
Is this a way of life?
That I have scars
that should be
put behind bars.
Or could I jump
in front of a car.
Yes I do have a problem
I use to be afraid of the dark; not anymore. Now I want to be in the dark all the time, where nobody talks to me and nobody sees me. When I enter a room I search for the darkest corner possible, and stand in it. To get away from the crowd and to remian unseen. Nobody even notices im in the same room as them anyways. I just wish I could be as invisible as I feel. The darkness; its where I get peace, quiet, and best of all, its where I can be alone.
-End
I make stupid decisions. I say stupid things. I do stupid things. Im just so stupid.
-End
I just wanted to say, that there are people out there who have encountered and overcome gay bullying!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/11799817
Anyway god—the cosmic consiuness understand your pain very well. He will except you back home, if this is what you really want. I have a feeling we will meet ourselves on the other side. My own plans are going along just smoothly. My backround is a little different then yours tough;
http://nazret.com/blog/index.php/2009/09/14/ethiopian_children_exploited_by_us_adopt
http://nazret.com/blog/index.php/2010/06/15/ethiopia_man_charged_with_child_sex_abus
I was hoping i could stop you. To try to talk you away from this, because your so YOUNG, and you have most of all a LOVING family…something i NEVER had! I was born dead(not breathing)to begin with. […]
well, over a week ago I met another girl on this website, we started e-mailing and stuff, she’s really nice and has a really sweet spirit if you get to know her. I consider her as a close friend even though I don’t know her in real life. she used to post stuff on this site, but she said it wasn’t for her since people haven’t noticed her missing. she told me a few nights ago that she was going to try and kill herself, and I haven’t heard back from her in a few days. I’m really scared she tried to commit suicide and […]
Love this song. It knows me so well. Just hear the lyrics and might understand what its saying O:
Oh man. Meeting him in less than a few days. Why am I so nervous. I don’t LIKE him. I CAN’T like him. Too many complications.
Fuck! I really can’t do this again. Keep fucking liking people I can’t let myself like.
Stupid teenage hormones.
No one can change who we really are.
We have our own Mind
& we Make our own Choices.
I may not be perfect, But no one is.
I do thing’s the way I want to.
I love who I am.
yesterday I realized, You can’t let anyone judge you for the mistakes you make.
What you do Is your responsibilty.
I honestly could care less of what anyone thought of me.
I am who I am and No one is going to change that.
I want to take a stand in this world.
So I’m Stupid?
I got raped when I was 11 & […]
I haven’t posted in a while. I have been actually seeing my friends. Leaving the house. To be honest just trying to get out of my own brain. I broke up with my boyfriend of two years in February and just heard that he has a girlfriend, a business up and running and is doing well. I do not regret breaking up with him and I do not want him back but it really makes me question it all. Why wasn’t he like that when he was with me? And why don’t I have it all worked out now? I could potentially grow old alone […]