Endless

Since I can remember, it started in high school and I guess this is what broke the camels back.  My entire childhood life I was happy and spent most of my time playing alone. I witnessed a couple of bad things, the usual molestation by a family member and a couple of beatings by my parents for being an energetic child, like thats a crime? I think the most disturbing thing out of my childhood was finding out the woman that I love most in the world and felt safe? was not my mother. I didn’t care at first, but once high school came around the corner It was present that who my real mother was. My love was drawing and painting. I thought I was gonna do something out of this talent, but I was told by many I was talentless, and even if I was “okay” what made me think I was any better than others. The only support I had was from my teachers in high school, my parents and family thought it was a waste of time. I became very depressed around those years, the only thing that brought warm comfort to me were my drawings and paintings. Everyday before the sun came out I was reminded who I came from and thats how my destiny was going to be.  I spent my time indoors and locked in my room and it was not because I was being a teen, but rather my families reminder of being the daughter of the family black sheep. My grades dropped dramatically, I had good grades in middle school. But it didn’t matter to them, they never even showed up to my award ceremonies and all that after school effort for a better future? I couldn’t go because my family was convinced I was having sex and doing drugs just like my real mother. My junior year I finally decided I wanted help, so I asked my counselor for help and she sent me to the school therapist. During this time, I told her everything and it took her up to the end of my senior year. I thank her till this day for all her help, she really understood. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, so I was given a few anti-depressants. Everything helped me graduate and become more sociable, even to the point of me getting a job and having my 1st boyfriend. But that only lasted a year, the problems started all over again, and once again I was reminded of what a failure I was. I still had hope to get out of this town and succeed in my art, that was in till I meet HIM.