I’m a joke, apparently…

(I’m sorry for this rant but I’m really pissed still)

First of all, it would be great if they could get their facts straight instead of just assuming that they know all the answers.

I DID NOT RUN AWAY. When someone runs away, they usually take their stuff with them due to the fact they won’t be living in the same place anymore. All I brought with me was my mp3 player. The reason I left was because I was upset because my boyfriend and I were arguing about my self harming. I left so I wouldn’t lock myself in the bathroom and self harm again. I had a reason for leaving that no one bothered asking about, and I came back 4 hours later because I didn’t tell my mom where I was going when I left.
I didn’t bother looking up insurance the week before because last time we tried they were going to charge us $1000 for insurance because the car wasn’t fixed. And it wasn’t 4 hours, it was 2.
Also, how the fuck am I supposed to drive to get contact lenses if I need them to see in the first place? Those are a NEED, not a WANT. I NEED to be able to see if I’m supposed to drive anywhere. That’s the whole reason you need to take an eye exam for the DMV.
And I have been looking for jobs. Every time I go online I spend time searching and applying for jobs. It’s not like I’ll be able to get a wide variety just by walking, and since I don’t have a car to drive I’m stuck at home most of the time. But I haven’t been lazy! I’ve been trying, but I guess that’s not good enough, though it never seems to be.

And my mother doesn’t lie! She tries to tell the truth, but sometimes she gets her facts wrong. Is that such a crime?! And that memory you described, when the fuck did I do that? And what am I, someone who you pity or a troublemaker you can’t wait to get rid of?

And I won’t run away. My mother needs me because of your people. If I left she would be stuck here and have to deal with your insanity alone. And “that boy” has a name. I’ve been with him for a year and you people could at least learn his name. He’s coming back to visit in November, but we are not getting married. If we are it’ll be in a couple years, not a few months.

I’ve never smoked, done pot or drugs, drank with friends until this year, or had sex until after I was 18. Throughout middle school and high school I never dated, and I am not a whore. I try to be good with money and I found a job in college, though it wasn’t a good one, but it was enough to live by. I went to a university instead of the community college and finished my first year though I struggled paying for it. I don’t fight back and let you people lecture me on and on without taking back because you taught me to respect my elders. I might not have been the best kid but as I got older I tried to change. But no matter what I do I still never seem good enough to your people. The constant criticisms and expectations has led me into a dark room of depression, anxiety, and thoughts of suicide. I wasn’t like this before. There were moments at times, but this has been continuous all year. If it weren’t for my friends I don’t know if I would even be here right now. They’re like a family to me. Though I can’t live with them like a family I can at least talk to them about my problems and have them understand. I wish I could do that with you. I though I could but now…. I don’t even trust any of you now.

I’ve never fought back before, but now I’m going to. It’s about time I grew some balls. I’m trying to find out who I am and who I want to be. I want to start healing and bring some light into my depression. I can’t be like this anymore. I have to change.

Like I said, sorry for the rant, but this is something I just have to get off my chest. Feel free to comment if you want.