Since I was about eight, I’ve planned on commiting suicide. I planned everything out, and this was the year. After 8 years no one has noticed. No one has really even noticed me in general. I don’t think my death would touch people, or make anyone feel guilty. It’s not like I want it to, I don’t want people to notice, it’s just dumb that you can just go, and no one would care. Of course my family would be upset, and they would be angry. But I’m angry that they think they can treat me the way they do, and I’m ok with it. […]
June 2011
ughhh I cant breathe. i hate myself. i hate myself. I HATE MYSELF. I just want to die. I wish my dad would give me my knife back. is he trying to torture me?? I need my knife RIGHT NOW. cutting helps me. I cant stop crying. im in too much freakin pain. i dont want to live. living is so morose and stupid. i wanna die.. SOMEONE KILL ME PLEASE. I JUST WANNA END THIS FUCKING PAIN.
Why doesn’t anyone understand the effect they have on people. They think they can get away being cruel people without any consequences.. Little do these people know that the people they hurt could be just about ready to kill themselves. Atleast in my case. Just about ready to hurt themselves. To cut their legs. To make themselves suffer because of the hurtful things they say. Because they make people like me think we are worthless. That we have no place here. That all we deserve is to be hurt and to suffer and make some of us think that the only way out is death.
The ones who want to die are stuck on this earth, and the ones who have everything and are doing fine are the ones who dies in accidents. So maybe if I pretend to love life I will die. Who am I kidding, I’m gonna live forever and I’m gonna suffer forever. No one even wants me around.
I HATE LIFE.
i’m 5’8″ about 140 lbs female. if i chug a bottle of grey goose as fast as i can will it kill me? i’m being serious. and i know it depends on alcohol tolerance and other factors. does anyone else ever think about intentionally giving yourself alcohol poisoning in the hopes of passing out and never waking up?
Today is my birthday, and hopefully the day i die. i sit here waiting for calls that will never come from people who never care and all i feel is numb. im not crying hysterically or cutting myself im just waiting for death. i never once thought that it would truly never get better till this point now. i have reached my limit and just cant carry on anymore. not one person not one. i dont think it gets any more pathetic than that.
I know it’s kind of cliché to commit suicide on a Monday but with it being the 4th and the anniversary of my rape it seems right. That holiday is about celebrating your independence right? Well I will finally be free. Free of this hateful world. I am so excited! I’ve decided on hanging as my method. I haven’t researched too much but I’ve got a little time. I have a perfect spot. My parents own a business and we will be closed that day. I’ll have the place to myself and nobody will find me till Tuesday. So even if things go wrong and […]
Realization had just hit me like a buliding collasping on me. If i die would i be happy? No i wont cause if i die im just more worst then i was before. I will be more than just scum. I wouldnt be happy. I would still be suffering even more than before. I be left with gulit on my grave. I would be suffering from the fact that i left everyone. Even if im dead i still feel like i want to kill myself. What the fuck is wrong with me. Why am im like this. Although i do want to kill myself. That […]
How’s everyone?
It’s been awhile since I’ve been here! I left the house for the first time in 7 months to see a movie with a friend. Slowly making progress lol… but still at home being a hermit / : I’m almost hitting 30 and I don’t know what the fuck to do with my life!!!!!!! Can anyone give me ideas on what to go back to school for? In the med field that is, besides nursing. I’m so stuck..
I’m just a slum in bed.. someone fix me 🙁
You thought I didn’t care..
I did.
You thought I was never there for You..
I was.
I hope this is your reality check..
Because I won’t be there when This all hit’s you.
So, Here is my suicide letter..
Dear Reader,
I’ve held this depression in way to long.
I know I may seem like a coward for doing This, But It’s my choice..
It’s not your fault, It’s mine.
I can’t stand the world anymore..
It’s a hell hole.
You’ve tried your hardest to make sure I am happy, But, Truth is, I never will be.
I want to be flying free in […]
Your too young to die! You realize that yourself you know, and you wont do it, because you still have so much to look forward to!
Try again after 30 By then you will truly KNOW if this is what you want? I have been through kidnap, identity loss and sexual rape, and not even i automaticly know what im going to do. I turn 30 next year.
Suicide is not something simple to do. For me it mostly involes testing different flow fittings and similar devices. Look, if you want to kill yourself, then i suggest drowning. Dying is basicly shutting your brain off. Your brain […]
You made me believe I was worth something.
You made me think thing’s would be okay.
Your the reason Why I am doing this.
I thought you loved me..But for you, Love isn’t a word.
I had a challenge..A whole new world to face..
With all these fears.
Obviously, You forgot, I can’t do this by myself.
You have a cold heart..& I hope you cry when You read this.
Suicide is my way out.
Just like cheating was your way out.
i’ve given up just wishing for death and i have to do something about it. i’m filled with so much hatred and resentment and i keep everything inside and it’s tearing me apart.
A year has now passed since the worst day of my life. The day my sister walked into my room, holding the phone and crying. My initial reaction was that my parents had died as they were driving home from out of town at the time. Whenever I look back on that day I always wonder if it might have been better if that initial thought had been true. Â But it wasn’t, and now I’m stuck living without one of my closest friends, because he decided to end his own life.
The guilt is unbearable. The sadness holds me down. But the worst part of it […]
hello. this is my first post on this website or any kind of forum for this so i don’t really know where to begin. honestly i don’t know what’s wrong with me but i want to kill myself. i don’t even feel like i’m even allowed to feel this way. i’ve had a “good” life and upbringing. I have extremely loving parents but i guess the main problem is with myself. i’ve always had low self esteem and always thought i was too shy and weird. i’ve been in therapy but recently stopped going. i’m on celexa but it’s not helping me at all. i […]
I’m at that stage where I don’t feel anything. I’m tired and I genuinely can’t do this anymore. Trying and failing seems to be the reoccurring process in my life. I’ll probably fail at death too.
I hate who I am.
I’m stuck in a fantasy world.
I can talk all day about what I’m depressed about & It’s still there.
My depression get’s so bad, I can’t sleep for day’s..
I also have insomia..Which makes it worse..
& I’m also bipolar..
& Let’s just say, I’m not really skinny..I’m fat.
My mom died when I was 7 & She was never really around..
She devoted her life to drugs.
My dad..Well..He left when I was born..& He did drugs to..
The only hope I had was my grandma..
I held her hand while she took her last breath..
I can’t […]
I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MY LIFE I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE EVERYTHING I HATE EVERYTHING I HATE EVERYTHING I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO DIE I WANT TO FUCKING DIEEE
I cant take this anymore. she said she cant talk to me because she has a boyfriend and he would get mad. she didnt tell me who it was though. great, another boyfriend. well she obviously cares not about me, so theres no reason for me to live! so i grab the rope, i already know how to tie the hangmans noose so this will be easy. i tie the knot, go get the ladder and attatch it to the ceiling. i climb the ladder, place the rope around my neck. as im doing so, i think about what im leaving in this world. i am leaving all the […]
Overwhelmed with guilt,
Because every bite you take is a compromise.
Terrified of the things I need,
Because they lead me into a dark place.
I am a perfectionist,
Or maybe I just have a death wish.
In this game it’s all about loss, and gain,
But to me it has always been about the loss.
And I’m starving, but it’s okay;
It’ll be worth it in the end.
I’m far from what I want,
But it’ll be worth it in the end.
Beauty is pain as they might say,
And I’m in agony.
I’m screaming for forgiveness,
Because I know I am wrong, but I do not want to be right.
And with all the hurt inside,
I keep my secrets […]