I lie a lot, more than I should, and I feel terrible about it. I hurt my only friend, and I just don’t know what to do to control my big mouth. Teenagers…adults have every right to sigh about us.
June 2011
I try so hard. But every time I attempt to get up, I fall back down. I feel like the devil keeps pushing me down, then trampling all over me. you know how hard it is to try getting up when someone is standing on top of you?
all I can think about is how desolate and pessimistic I am. all I can talk about is how I want to die. I can’t breathe anymore. I get panic attacks. several times a day. I need my knife. I need to cut.
As much as it’s getting better, I still hate my life..
I mean I try so hard to think of reasons to live, but it’s always "hope for a good life ahead of me," or "hope that things will get better." Now I have reasons to live. I have no idea what’ll happen when school comes around though.
I have a friend I talk to on the internet and she is the greatest person in the world. We’ll probably never meet but I’m so lucky to have her as a friend.
I’m slowly gaining control of my eating because I know that even though it fills my emptiness […]
I just want a reason, a reason to wake up a reason to bother in life. I cant remember a time in the last ten years that i was truly happy. i dont wanna go through life just surviving cos at the moment that s all it seems.  i constantly feel that i am in a downward spiral that has no end and i am sick of waiting for things to get better cos they never seem to however much i try. so whats the point. i know what i wanna do but can i really do it without thinking about how it will affect the people […]
It’s really bad to say, but I’m starting to wish someone would murder me or something, because suicide seems so hard, but I really don’t want to be alive…
For example, someone could stab me, but my survival instinct would stop me doing the same to myself. Â Someone could shoot me, but I don’t know how I’d get hold of a gun in this country.
I don’t really know what to do, I just want to die. Â A failed suicide attempt would be awful – being left a vegetable with no way out is my worst nightmare.
Don’t really know what to say except that life seems futile and impossible to cope with. No energy, no hope, no joy. I just want to sleep forever & never feel pain again.
I feel like a fail at everything. Like I’m never good enough. I try and try, but it just never works out for me. I just can’t take living anymore. I have no future. So it’s not worth living anymore. I feel so alone. I’ve cried so much I have no more tears left in me to cry.
I’ve been trying so hard to forget him. But it’s not working. In everything I do, he’s always there in the back of my mind. I know now how I’m going to die- a broken heart. It doesn’t just hurt emotionally any more, it’s physical now. I can feel every beat hurting and the pain intensifying.
I don’t know what to do, because getting over him isn’t going to happen. But I hope he feels like a terrible person for what he’s done…
Everything was perfect, everything was fine.
You warmed me inside, and I loved you so much.
You were the one, and you were all mine.
I loved your smile, your hugs, your touch.
Then one day you had to crush me inside.
you tore it all out, you ripped me apart.
I wish you were honest, but I know you lied.
congratulations, you’ve lacerated my heart.
I can’t live anymore. what would I gain?
I don’t eat, I’m just skin and bone.
I’m starting to go insane,
And I’m all alone.
That feeling I get when I cut with my blade,
It’s wonderful, although it burns.
A monster, […]
So I want to kill myself. I mean really kill myself not some half hearted attempt or something on impulse. I am tired of life tired of dealing with roller coaster they call bipolar..and I am tired of myself. My bottles are ready for me to take, I just have to plan on when….I think maybe by the weeks end….I need to put a little money together so my ex can get a house to have our daughter in, he doesnt have one right now….make sure my boyfriend will be ok. I know that I should be happy but I can never be happy my […]
So there was someone who saw my scars and cuts and asked me if I was trying to kill myself. It’s not the first time someone has asked me that. Someone who cuts doesn’t always want to kill themselves. A lot of people actually just cut for relief and not to die. If they wanted to die by cutting then they would probably be dead already. It annoys me a lot when people ask me if I was trying to kill myself. And then I have to go and explain everything to them which I don’t wanna do, so I don’t really. And the scars […]
I have it all planned it: take the whole bottle of pills, my depakote , tylenol, klonopin, benadryl, mix with a little alcohol and off to the woods I go with a bag to place over my head….that way no will find me until its over with. I will finally get away from myself. You see people may have hurt me and abused me but in the end it was all me I have hurt myself too much and I am done. I cant handle my diseases the meds dont work and I am a horrible person for the way I act. I lock myself […]
im fed up w/ feeling this way
Let the sadness fade into anger
Not directed at anyone in particular
Take it out on ME
Cause a painful death
Maybe causing myself agony will show em all I wasn’t looking for an easy way out
I had a dream about my suicide and I said if I am friendless and lonely if my parents still hate me and if I found God I would commit suicide.anyways the dream.I was at my locker and my friends were ignoring me but I never took it to thought then we were at the lunch table and they were talking about me right in front of my face then they said get out of our group we never wanted you here(my fear of friendlessness was coming true)2Dream I was in my room then my stepmom came in and started yelling about my room and […]
I sit here all alone, by myself
Waiting, hoping, wishing someone will come along
Im putting my life up on the shelf
I dont want anymore and Im done
Life sucks so much and its not getting any better
I give up on everything, knowing I havent won
Theres so much life isnt worth living for
Pain, suffering, dissapointment
Oh and theres much more
Its all a big lie
There is no love, and no one cares
So I sit here waiting, hoping, wishing… to die
there are billions of people in the world and i still feel so alone. my mom, the one person supposed to love me, my own flesh and blood, hates me. no this is not an exageration if anything an understatment. she has abused me since i was 6 years old physically, emotionally and sexually. she hit me, kicked me, threw things, beat me with extension cords, drowned me in the bath tub, suffocated me with plastic bags, stuck her fingers into my vagina with hot sauce, did so many things but thats not even the hard part. growing up like that you can take the […]
(I’m sorry for this rant but I’m really pissed still)
First of all, it would be great if they could get their facts straight instead of just assuming that they know all the answers.
I DID NOT RUN AWAY. When someone runs away, they usually take their stuff with them due to the fact they won’t be living in the same place anymore. All I brought with me was my mp3 player. The reason I left was because I was upset because my boyfriend and I were arguing about my self harming. I left so I wouldn’t lock myself in the […]
It’s too late now. No use and putting out an amber alert. I’ve been missing for years. No need for a funeral cause I’ve been dead to you for years. Remember all the times you weren’t there to wipe away all my tears? To go into my closet and ward off all my fears. Under the bed and in my closet. That wasnt a monster that was just me. And the girl I would grow to be. Where were you when I had to walk home alone. Collecting rocks for when I would play skipping stones. All by myself in the backyard. Where were you […]
Does anyone else feel awkward around people who know how you feel or that you’ve tried to kill yourself when things related to suicide come on T.V.? Because I dread depression medication commercials and shows that I know could have suicide in them when my family is around. It just feels so awkward. I hate it. Like tonight I watched a British movie called Chatroom with my sisters and I couldn’t leave because then they would know that it made me feel awkward. I’ve never talked about my attempt with anyone except my counselor (and some of you guys, obviously) and even then we didn’t […]