Just kill me
drill a hole
through mine head.
Or suffercate me
with a pillow.
Do everything you can
to put me six feet underground.
Watch me bleed
as my heart slows down.
No hospital
can save me now.
No one
can do anything now.
I want to close
my eyes
and sleep.
Cause now…
I’m finally dying.
Thank you kind person
for throwing my troubles
away.
June 2011
I don’t know what to do. I feel like all I do is disappoint people. From the friend who thought I was ignoring her/neglecting her while I went through nursing school but failed to talk to me about it. To me parents who let me still live at home(at age 24 almost 25) while I look for a job even though I’ve been out of school for almost 6 months and no one hires new nurses with no experience. I see no light at the end of the tunnel all I see is failure. Maybe I should have gone for my BSN instead of me ADN(Associates […]
I feel caged up inside my everyday emotions
Hiding behind a mask
I can’t remain hidden.
I fool myself.
I make things happen
Fate decides my pain.
Maybe it’s for the better
Maybe it’s for the worse.
Who knows.
My mask is made of pure silver
It hides the crystal.
That hides beneath my eyes.
It is all about hiding.
I show no true colors.
I show no more feelings
I am dry as a desert.
Who am I fooling ?
Myself.
Who wants to believe it ?
Only me.
I make this complicated.
I’m even crying in my sleep.
Sweat pours from my body.
I fight the demon inside me.
I fight my every move.
Every decision I make.
It turns my life upside down.
Yet I make them […]
Okay,
So I have a boyfriend
He is a strong Christian.
I love this guy to deathh
And I am a Christian too, now.
But now… Well, for a long time, I have been (as called) a slut, a b*tch, trashy, emo, stupid, and worthless (as I stated before… It’s what I’ve been called)
I have had sex. I have had MANY bad experiences. I have never dressed appropriately (until I met my boyfriend, that is), I get in fights all the time, I curse like a sailor, and I smoke and drink.
Well, I used to.
I have been trying to change for a very long time, to make myself better, so […]
So what.There are millions of people who have abusive parents physicalverbalemotionalneglectfulreligious. Doesnt Matter. there are scores of people who have eating disorders donteateattoomucheattoolittlevomitbingepurgelaxativesexerciserunrunrun. Great Fantastic. And plenty of people with self destructive behavior runtoomuchdrinktoomuchcuttoomuchsmoketoomuchcrackheroinshoppingsexisolation. And there’s just not enough fingers on the hands of everyone in Los Angeles to count how many are depressedsuicidaltiredangryrepressedabused
bipolarschitsophrenicaxietyaffectedhurtblamedscarred.
Or what about all the people repressed by their society blamedfiredhuntedbeatenbulliedteasedhassledthreatened
disbelievedburiedliedtolockedupframeddecievedforgotten.
I’m not any different. I’m not any worse off than probably 1/3 of them and probably better off than 1/2 I’m probably more screwed up than 1/6 of them and probably more depressed than 1/4. Â So what’s my volatile gut wrenching tear […]
I wish someone would see. Why is everyone so blind? I just need someone to save  me…
I feel pretty embarassed to even be typing right now.I’m single. I have a great job. A great family. Decent looks. Good health. So why do I think about suicide so much? I guess it’s because I’m so afraid of life…in general. Definitely afraid of getting hurt in a relationship so I don’t even make an effort to make one happen. I constantly compare myself to others and I think that’s my biggest downfall. It saps me of confidence and focus and drive. It’s pathetic. I’ve read some of the other comments posted on here about ending it all and looking at how hard other […]
They use my problems against me,
Like Im some evil thing,
Just because I want to die,
doesnt mean I dont deserve to live,
why do you look at me like I am a disease,
You cause me more pain than you can see,
I slice my arms to stop the pain,
I take the pills and wait,
wait for it to be over,
wait for my freedom,
but then I wake up,
and realize that you have stopped me once again,
you hate me anyways so please just let me go,
you judge me for my pain,
just let me go
Please dont stop me next time,
dont take the bag off my head,
no need to call the ambulance,
just let […]
Why can’t i not just end it all?
Why couldnt i just drown?
Im sick of life
im sick of the people who surround it.
This place just makes me sick
i just want to bang my head
on concert so i can bleed.
I dont need cutting
when i have a brick wall
down in my basement.
I really dont want friends
they are in the way.
I dont even want family
i really dont want anything.
I rather be alone
then to be with people
who will end up leaving me.
Who cares about their feelings
they dont know what i am going […]
I have always been a believer in doing what “feels right” and going with it. The moment I met him, I knew I was going to fall in love with him. Something changed within me. I felt it throughout my body, throughout my entire self. It out was a tangible feeling of knowing, of rightness. I had always given the men I had taken interest in nick names just for fun or so I could talk  about them around all company. Men before him had been called “ghost face killer” or “two face” so this was much different, his nickname was “soul mate.” He lit up my life, he was the […]
Im dying. Dying from lonliness. Dying from the pain that everyone has brought to me. Dying from knowing that N0B0DY wants me. Dying because I know that I will probably have zero friends my whole life. Dying from everything ive been through. Dying on the inside. Wont anybody save me?
-End
I’m no good with expressing ma feelings n words…but right now this is how im feeling….
You’re everything I thought you never were
And nothing like I thought you could’ve been
But still you live inside of me
So tell me how is that?
You’re the only one I wish I could forget
The only one I’d love enough to not forgive
And though you break my heart, you’re the only one
And though there are times when I hate you
Cause I can’t erase
The times that you hurt me
And put tears on my face
And even now while I hate you
It pains […]
I remember it all. The pills. The pot. The pain. I miss it. I was too incoherent to understand the pain, and now that iv stopped. It’s never hurt so bad. I use to laugh. I hated my laugh. I used to laugh with one eye closed and one open. But people made fun of me. So I changed my laugh. I used to go out. Now I don’t even leave the house. Every day gets more and more depressing. I remember when I used to do whip it’s and inhale ********. Huff. Euphoria. Crash. Do it over and over for hours. I just wanna […]
is that too much to ask?
Well. I’m 12. And I was extremely suicidal. And I had a friend over one day because my mom works, my brother and sister were gone, and my dad has passed away. So I wouldn’t feel alone I had my friend, Shawnia over. So, she said she was going to my little cousin, Evangelia’s house. I texted her and said ‘Me and Shawnia are coming over.’ She replied back ‘Only Shawnia. My gma doesn’t like you.’ I teared up a little because my own aunt doesn’t like me. So Shawnia left me. I felt alone. After 45 minutes of just watching TV Shawnia texted me […]
Please someone email me and help me. I want to go I have to go. I have already started to go so I need advice to finally go to sleep. Cahelakirkland@gmail.com
A violent surge: a messy statement
to the world: to yourself.
Why don’ t you push some further?
Blood all over the carpet- plates crashing down.
One more go, a little voice demands.
Just a bit more blood but then you will be done.
A tangled web of shame builds all around you,
Some more blood and you’ re lying on the floor.
You stare at the Demon, the culprit, sitting on your table.
‘ please just one more go’.
The knife stabs your body and the cornflakes float around you.
Another piece of chocolate- just too much.
The mirror-‘ oh my god i’ m getting fatter-
more blood- drowning in the flab.
A size 4 ‘ oh my […]
I don’t even know where to start. I am a worthless person. My husband has been asking me to change for 5 years. as long as we’ve been married. He has schizo-effective disorder and needs a lot of support. I don’t know how to help him, and usually I just make things worse. I have a 3 year old little girl who is not even potty trained because I waited too long and know she is too stubborn. I am angry all the time. I don’t sleep. Had yet another fight with my husband tonight. He and my daughter would be so much better off […]
I fell so dead inside, to me me soul is dying and I can’t do nothing. I hate my body, this is so gross. Everything is the same and I feel I’m falling in darkness. I just want someone to help me. I just want someone to cry by my side. Nobody is there. I can’t cry. I feel if I cry with someone, everything will be ok. But, I’m still here, dying.
I tried to kill myself, I cutted. But one girl said to me “please don’t do that”! And I stoped. She never spoke with me again, I thought “I shouldn’t stop” […]