Today I realized that I don’t have an “I love you” type feeling for my family. It’s more of an “I tolerate you” kind of thing. Maybe it’s cause they keep lying about how they’ll help me that I have a hard time trusting people, especially when I’m upset. One side of my brain says “I hate you,” the other more logical side says “You don’t really hate this person, you’re just misdirecting your feelings.” I want to take a bat and just hit stuff whenever I get that mad, but then the logical side steps in and i don’t do a thing.
Sometimes I hate how much self restraint I have.
Anyone else feel like this?
3 comments
Having control over your anger is a skill.
You wouldn’t believe how much self-control I have. =P Seriously I was a loose cannon when I was younger ha… KA-BOOM!!
They say teens have a rebellious age and I think I’m only starting to hit it now at 19, after having just finished my first year of college. But then again I’m not really outwardly rebelling, more along the lines of realizing all the shit I had been so ignorant about while growing up. Only when I get hit in the face with depression and suicidal thoughts did I start realizing that everything my family had portrayed to me was just a big fucking lie. They weren’t the people I thought they were and now I don’t trust any of them with my life.
Funny how things change.