I’ve just lost the most important person in the world to me because of my depression. My boyfriend of one year broke up with me last night. One of my best friends says that he did it because he was afraid that he would lose me to suicide. He was afraid because he doesn’t know what it’s like to be at rock bottom, and therefore doesn’t understand which led to that fear. That makes sense, I guess. I’ve been doing a lot worse lately emotionally. I still haven’t cut or taken any pills in like a month though, but god, I just feel like such utter crap right now.
I love him, but I guess I didn’t love him enough.
I feel like this is all my fault. It probably is.
I wasn’t a good enough girlfriend. I didn’t make him happy.
I’m a failure.
Why wasn’t I good enough to stop this from happening?
I don’t know what to do. I lost this person because I kept thinking that there was no hope and that suicide was the answer. It can’t be the answer anymore.
He said that we’re breaking up for now. That means there might be hope.
I can’t talk to him right now though, it hurts too much. It really does seem like his fear is keeping him away though. My friend also said that maybe if I had someone to talk to I might start getting better, so she’s having her girlfriend talk to me. She said that my boyfriend broke up with me because he didn’t understand, so maybe having someone who did would be better.
I was wondering though, would anyone on here like to help me too?
It would really help a lot…
This guy was the first person who ever really made me feel loved, and I was too stupid to see how awful I’ve been. I really do love him. I want to get better so I can make everything up to him. He’s done so much for me, helped me through so many panic attacks and fears and depressive weeks and in the end it was too much for him. I don’t want him to have to deal with that anymore. He shouldn’t have to deal with it anymore. People are right though, you really don’t know how important something is to you till its gone.
3 comments
I know it hurts. You sound young. You will have many loves and the right one for you will come. Enjoy and learn from all the loves you will have and soon you will understand why you had to go thru all the hurt.
oh my gosh, @Xia I know EXACTLY how you feel, I am almost in the exact situation you are, I will definitely talk to you if you want, here’s my email, nikkinoodle12@gmail.com
Thanks for sharing your story. Let me say that you seem to understand why he needs a breather from the relationship. He may want to give you time to realize a few things on your own without any input from him. He probably feels overwhelmed,neglected, and exhausted from trying to deal with your issues on top of his own. Due to your being depressed all the time, in his mind he may see you as a one-way street. Another words its all about you. He has needs to, but, how can you help him if you are constantly focused on your own problems. My suggestion is do your best to give him the space he needs now, and since you realize that suicide is out of the question, and that would only cause him unnecessary grief, just wait, and when the opportunity presents itself show him you are ready to be a two-way street. Be a helper for him. You don’t want to be viewed as a liability, but, rather as an assett. Let him make the first move towards you,and, when he does keep in mind he desires your attention and well being so that he’ll at least see you get it now. If you would like to talk further, e-mail me at (jadetrucker@yahoo.com)