I have long since given up in trying to defend myself in any kind of argument I have with my family. I just can’t win. This morning my aunt drove us to the vet so we can get our cat fixed. On the way back she kept criticizing me on how my mom took $40 out of her account so I could pay my cell phone for this month and she said that if I do it again she’s going to take away my phone. I’ve already paid my mom back $20, and I was going to pay here the other half sometime in the next two weeks, but my aunt doesn’t give a shit so we didn’t say anything. She gives herself power over me because no one is going to stop her, unless we get my grandma involved, but then again my grandma is too far gone to understand the situation. I hate my entire family. At every chance they get they have to put my down for anything I do. I don’t try to do anything anymore just so it will lessen the harassment. I can’t be myself because they make me feel like I’m just a worthless piece of shit to all of them. They constantly make it obvious how much of a pain I am to have around and how much of a burden I put on my mother. I want to kill myself so I won’t be a burden anymore. I want to do it also as a way to give a big FU to all of them for pushing me farther and farther to the edge of this proverbial cliff. The only reason I’m still here is due to how fucking dependent I am on them to live. I just got a car that I can’t drive freely, I don’t have a job, I have no ability to get a place to start living on my own right now, and if I want to go to school I have to stay here so I can be listed as a dependent so I can get grants from the government. But even then I don’t know what to go into because an art career will get me nowhere, I hate to go into nursing, and I really don’t care about going into a technology field.
I don’t know why I try anymore. I just wish people would leave me alone so I can have some piece and try to get some fucking direction in my life.
If anyone wants to comment, please do. I’d like some input an maybe someone to talk to.
3 comments
I’m sorry about your family, beleive me, I’ve been there.
Some people think that their opininon so so great and that they know everything, but really, the only opinion that should matter to you is yours. Forget your fucking aunt, she probably wouldn’t be happy even if happiness came in a can. As for the rest of them, if they keep listening to your aunt they will end up as miserable as she is.
You have to do what makes YOU happy. No, there aren’t very many job in art, but there are a lot of jobs that incorperate art into them, like art therapist, art teacher, interior design, landscape artist, cake decorating, hair stylist, floral designer and so many more. And there is nothing wrong with taking your time and exp;oring all your options.
If you don’t want to do what your aunt says, do something else just to spite her.
I’m sorry you’re going through hard times with your family right now. Even though it may seem hard to believe, your situation is temporary. You CAN escape. It won’t be easy, and you’ll probably have to struggle for a few years before you start making enough money to get all the things you want.
Everybody (who doesn’t have parents paying all of the bills) struggles at first. It sounds like you just need to get out of there. Get away from the people who make you miserable. If you can’t do that right now, there will come a day when you can. And it’s not that far down the road…..it just seems far away because right now everything is so shitty. Good Luck
@steppiann
I’ve been seeing the world I once knew, the family I once trusted change before my eyes. It seems as if things are actually getting better for my mom thanks to my other family members, but mentally and emotionally worse for me because of these same people. They give themselves power but don’t bother to ask about my ideas or opinions on matters that regard ME. They just make choices for me before I even know of them and then when I don’t do what they want it’s my fault for wasting their time and effort.
For an art field, I was thinking of learning how to become a tattoo artist. Not right away mind you, due to apprenticeship needed, but after I have a job and the ability to live on my own. It’s something that I find interesting, so I just wanted to try to see if I really could do it. I mean, it’s better than having no goal right?
And yes, I would like to spite both her and another aunt who has caused me great grief in the past, but as to going about it that may be hard. I tend to be very elaborate in my thinking and this often puts a stop to any ideas that I like to put forward, but at the same time if I simplify them too much then I just get bored with the idea and discard it.
I however was thinking of the idea of inviting all of my family except those two aunts to my wedding someday. Everyone will get their own individual card, including my aunts, but they will have ones that say that they are “cordially(strong feeling, not warm and friendly feeling) invited to go fuck themselves.” So their family can go, but they have to stay at home. Or their entire family can stay and hate me but who gives a fuck after that? 🙂
@lucy4
Life is a waiting game. As long as I have my friends I think I might make it. Or I can hope so.