I think about how to die all the time. I know my family would be better off with the insurance money than me. But, I also know I can’t escape if I died I would also be just as lonely on the other side. So, instead I’ve been trying to think of ways to destroy my soul because then there would be nothing good nor bad…….. just nothing.
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i guess sometimes life can just be tough on us huh, have you tried getting help or talking to someone? just remember this,
“laugh and the world laughs with you, weep, and you weep alone” stay strong and dont give in.
We learn to accept the death of a loved one. We can learn to deal with the pain, even move on from it. But suicide is different. Because it’s not the world who took your loved one from you…your loved one left willingly.
Nobody gets over a suicide quite like a different death…
And, also, you don’t have to punish yourself, and you don’t need to destroy your soul. Wouldn’t you like to be happy on the other side? You can get through this. I promise. But if you give up like this, you won’t, or at least not any time soon. I bet you’re tired and you don’t want to even consider the possibility of going on….but, you know, the pain can be ended by being HEALED, instead of killing yourself or making things worse for yourself. 🙂 Changing your way of thinking, by writing down each negative thought in a journal and writing a positive one to counteract it, can help. Also, you can exercise thirty minutes a day, which has been proven to help combat depression, and start therapy. Therapy has helped me tremendously, although you can’t give up if your first therapist is an idiot. Sometimes you have to go to a few to find the right one for you. I’m on my fourth and I think she’s fantastic. Further, if you could find one reason to live and one thing you like about yourself or thing that you are proud of every day, and after a few weeks increase it to three things per day, etc., then that can help, too. Take care and be safe ♥♥
You know excersising is helping but I did mean what I said about not being able to escape. I have horrible vivid reoccuring dreams about nightmares. Being chased and gored to death by a giant wild boar. Being eaten alive by wolves. Being malled by a lion. One was particularly disturbing I was locked in a room with broken glass the glass then began to rise from the floor spinning and cutting through me until I was slashed and riped apart into tiny pieces. All of these dreams seem so real. I can feel the pain in each of them. In one all types of insects crawled in through any open oriface and ate me alive. This is whats awaits me on the other side I know it. Its all well and good to die once but to be locked in a dream helpless dieing over and over again is worse. I’d reather live with the physical and emotional pain then sleep I haven’t slept for four weeks I’m just so afraid.
Well, they have dream therapy for reoccuring nightmares and things like that. They seem to have a bit of a theme…attacking/killing you physically. Is there an emotional significance? Might be something to explore…, aside from obviously getting ripped apart isn’t a particularly pleasant experience, of course…
I’m really glad exercising is helping. 🙂 Keep it up! Adding something else to help combat your depression and nightmare can intensify the help you are getting from exercising. For instance, I’ve read that you can visualise a happy dream you want to have, before you fall asleep, over and over. Also, you can visualise your nightmare and make it turn into something that couldn’t possibly hurt you. Like if the wild boar turned into a sweet little piggy who rolled in the mud, or if the pieces of glass turned to beautiful butterflies. Whatever feels like a good idea to counteract the scariness of the nightmare.
Also, certain sleeping pills can give you a dreamless sleep. You have to make sure you find one that stresses dreamless, because some of them cause weird dreams, but those are usually the addictive ones and you don’t want addictive sleeping pills anyway.
Take care, sleep well!! Confronting your dreams will help. 🙂 Look into the dream therapy. Good luck!