Why is it so hard?

Ya know, the human body, for being so fragile, is fucking hard to kill. No one wants a painful death and when it comes right down to it, there’s only a handful of ways to off yourself that could be called humane. Sure, a gun is easy enough to get a hold of, but having the balls to actually pull it trigger?  Much harder than you’d think. Jumping from a high enough building would work,but I get vertigo on the second floor of my apartment, no way I could get on top of that high a building, let alone jump off. If I had my choice, I’d mix some KCN in a glass of water and ta da. But, oh shit, I forgot, I’m not a licensed chemist and I don’t own a jewelry store. Next? Barbiturates, some vodka and a plastic bag…but no, Getting barbiturates is basically impossible now days because they’ve fallen out of common medical usage.

So I’m down to   to gassing method. Id prefer ******** but I’m not sure if I can get it without a license or not. If I cant my next choice is helium. But of course, both require a lot of money to get enough of. I can barley pay rent..I can’t afford a canister of gas. Why the fuck is this so hard…thousands upon thousands of people who don’t want to die, do every single day, and yet, people who actually want to, can’t.