Hey,
Iv been reading this post for quite some while now. I dont want to bore anyone with my pathetic story, as I am only to blame, maybe in the coming days I might. But I have learnt that life is so cold, I have lost everything. My dreams, the person I loved. I tried to stay strong but I cant, the depression kicks in. I had everything and now I have nothing. Maybe someone can relate to this, maybe you cant. I know Im going to cause pain to people who have met or cared for me. The worst thing is, that I cannot live a life that is a lie, where I am not happy, I play a game of pretend. I dont want to disappoint anyone anymore, as I cannot be the person I was going to be. I wish I could just get back everything in life but as life has taught me, things dont go your way, no matter how you feel or who you are. I have tried my best. I want to spend the last few days, acting happy, making someone smile. As I am scared of burning in hell but Im even more scared to be alive. The pain is too much.
I genuinely think these are my last ten days. I never wanted to die but I cant live a life of torment and pain.
Im going to miss everything. Im going to miss everyone so much, but its life I guess.
I cant blame anyone but myself anymore. 🙂
6 comments
I know it’s your decision, but please, at least hear me out on this. Before you do anything drastic, open up to someone close to you. And I don’t mean just say “my life sucks I don’t want to live haha”, because they might not realize how serious it is. Open up completely, tell them everything, cover those 5 W’s we all learned in elementary school. It helps to talk to people about your problems, even if they can’t really help you, it’s helping yourself by just letting someone know. And if you have no one close to you to open up to, then call a distress hotline, or even talk to someone on here. Just make sure you explore all of your options first. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? It doesn’t work and you kill yourself, but that’s the same result as not opening up. And best case scenario, it really helps and (eventually, nothing real happens fast) you lead a happy, fulfilling life. Just give it a shot is all I’m saying. You can email me if you want, 1629sp@gmail.com
Thank you for being so kind. I did open up to the one person who meant the world to me, but sadly that person has completely shut me out of their life. Im sick of causing pain to the people I love. I have talked to several counsellers, and the state I am in now I currently blame them also, the gave me advice that I followed and they messed with my head. Im so selfish as I know the options I have are great, if I wanted to. Dont get me wrong I have been through hell and back in life but this is one thing that I cant handle, the pain is killing me every minute. Thank you so much for being so kind, I dont know who you are but thank you so much. It means alot, to know that someone I barely know will help me, wheras those that I know wont. Thank you.
I’m sure the people you love care just as much (if not more) than I do. It’s just that they don’t understand your situation. Granted, neither do I, as everyone has their own unique situation, but the people on here all have that one tie to each other, so it’s a lot easier to understand and empathize with each other. Just keep on keepin on, you seem like a smart, understanding, wonderful person. I’m sure there are people out there who will see that besides me. And I really mean it when I say feel free to contact me.
Thank you, I would love to contact you, but I don’t want to be selfish anymore. And to be keep on being me, I needed that one person back in my life. Thank you for being kind to me. Not long left now.
ac400, life is about balance. Find the balance between love, friends, work, and therapy. But you can’t put your whole life’s importance on this one person – chances are, they will crack under the pressure and run away.
Try again. Learn from your mistakes. There are infinite possibilities and you are so young.
Thank you for the kind words, but I really don’t know what to do. I have lived my life for this person, and now they are gone. I can’t take that pain for much longer. I know Im young but I believe that life could be a test, and I have definitely failed it. I have done so much bad in the world.