8 days.

  September 8th, 2011 by ac400

Since my last post, a lot has gone through my mind and a lot has happened.

The money I had saved up for my future with my ex, I have now donated to charity. Im only 20 and for the one I loved, the one who destroyed me and left me. I saved up 62k (the reason I add a number is because I did this for her at such a young age), which is now with charity, I feel both happy and sad when I did this. It was for her, but as Im no longer going to be here soon, I want to do some good before I go.

I don’t really know how I feel anymore, Im just waiting for the things to arrive that will assist me in my suicide, I hope to go nice and quietly. No more pain, no more bullshit, no more lies. I know God will punish me, but I know if there is a God he will understand that Im not selfish, I just can’t do with life anymore. Yes I failed the test, but should I go and put a brave face and act happy? Do I deserve that.

Im 20 years old. I owe my life to my ex, the things I did and established for her and for us, most can’t achieve. And I don’t mean that in a big headed way, I mean it went from nothing to having it all, only because of her.

Im scared, I hope I don’t hurt anyone. Im going to miss everything in life.

8 more days, hopefully I can make some more people smile, help someone out and put on a brave face. I have so much to do, I don’t know if I should write letters, so many decisions let. But one decision remains intact, Im dead inside, its time to die on the outside aswell. Don’t ever want to hurt anyone anymore. Im just a bad person.

Thank you for reading this.

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