I just wanted to share my story…. I’ve thought many times about comitting suicide but I just don’t want to hurt my family. I’ve been blessed in many ways in my life with a beautiful family, a good job and life style. But deep down inside I suffer from a deep agony from the past that doesn’t let me live in peace.
It’s just an impossible and unrequited love from the past that has been hunting me for many years now. She came to my life like a shooting star, stole my heart and left. I tried to ignore that fact 15 years ago and I got married but now that I’m so deep in to the marriage and so many things are at stake that I see no way out. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by destroying my family, I know for a fact that she will never b with me, so I don’t know what to do.
I’ve though that if I make my suicide look like an accident, it will be easier to digest for my family than the fact that I committed suicide.
I’m so blessed but at the same time I’m dammed for being a sentimental fool that can’t make peace with the destiny that I designed by myself and because I can’t let the past go.
I feel like dying from thirst in front of an oasis or being unable to see the sun when I’m right in front of it.
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7 comments
i think you should be happy that you actually felt like that…some of us never every experienced such feelings…so if i were you, i would have just felt so happy that i have met that girl….if you know that she will never b with you, why bother? just keep the nice memories…and the wonderful family that you are blessed with…i dont know why you feel the way you feel but by reading your post, i would have thought that your familiy is the most important part in your life now….
Im loosing the edge, im doing the best I can with my family but I’m drowning…. I can’t breathe… I’m making my life and my wife’s life miserable…..but I’m so coward that I don’t want to hurt her even more by telling her: “I dont love you, I love someone else. I always have”
everything is irrelevant my friend…love is very subjective…as long as she loves you and you feel fine with her, love will come eventually. well what are the options? why suicide? would you be ok if you just divorce her and live alone? if you know you can ever have the other girl, you have to accept it. what if another girl comes along and makes you feel the same? is this an option?
It’s pretty much impossible for me to explain all the different aspects of my situation and pretty much impossible for anyone to understand how someone like i feels… When you keep someone special very deep inside of your heart. Someone that makes time stop when you are with her, that sets you free and you are able to fly beside her, someone whose personality and smile is larger than life itself, someone that makes you feel like a child that can dream and run and play and accomplish anything just by looking at her beautiful smile…. By feeling her happiness…..
She made me fall in love without even trying and I fell in love without even realising it…. When I realized it, I tried to ignore it… When I couldn’t ignore it any more… It was too late.
If you ever feel that you can love someone with all your heart, that you could give your life for her in a heart bit, that you can wait for her all your life when you know there’s no hope and your only hope is that you might be able to see her some day just to keep suffering because you know that she’ll never be with you but you still thank God for your suffering and pray for her happiness… If you would rather live one single instant full of her in stead of a full life without her, if you are able to see her smile reflected in a child and the wind wispers you her name and you cry her name back with all your strength, when the melancholy and dreams about her fulfill your nights, and if you ever wished that God would take you away and make you an angel to guard her dreams…. Then you would understand how I feel.
Yes, I could say that my marriage it’s ok, but deep inside I’m destroyed and I try to hide my feelings as much as I can but I know that it hasn’t been enough to make my wife happy after 14 years of marriage for obvious reasons.
May be I’m trying to explain too much and it’s not like anyone would care but there it is.
Goodby to all
Please just keep holding on. You will find joy in this life.
OMG the reason I joined this site sparked from a situation JUST like urs. Although my story took a bizar spin, I can relate to ur pain. I know the torture of an unrequited love. Unfortunately, my friend, I feel that I can’t offer any words of advice… I still feel lost myself… But its comforting to know that I’m not alone