I feel the need to be perfect, because that’s what I’ve been told to be since the age of 6. What type of little girl wants to watch her mother get abused by her own brother, what type of little girl wants to call the cops on her brother; and get him sent to Bar-H? I never wanted him gone, I’ve cried myself to sleep almost every night for the past 5 years. I’ve already mutilated my body, the blade gets deeper each time it contacts my skin. All I wanna feel, is pain. I have no life, no reason for being here.. not even a reason for breathing. Pray to God? God, doesn’t exsist in my mind. All it is, is just a higher power beyond us; that we all choose to praise. All I want to do, is escape this darkness; before is takes every path I have to choose from, and makes me blind beyond this world. “Depression” has ruined my life, I can hardly go a day without crying; or going off on someone in the matter of two seconds. Counsaling? I’ve tried, these people don’t understand the shit I’ve been through nor the pain I’m in. So, I give up on that subject. Medication? I take to the extreme, to get a buzz, a “high” and sometimes even commit suicide. No one really cares about my own well-being. I put on a fake smile, and go through the day as if there’s nothing at all I have to worry about. Everyone looks at the fake smile, and believes every inch of it. I don’t know how much longer I can give myself, to deal with everyones problems.
Every problem, that occurs is put on me. I can only carry so much weight on my shoulders; before I completley shatter, and shut down from everything and everyone in exsistence. I’ve helped everyone as much as I can, but how much longer before anyone helps me?
2 comments
hun. i can relate to you. minus the being perfect and brother/mother situation.
i would help you if i could. but, i don’t know how.
i’m here to talk if you need. <3
Thank yew, but I really don’t think anyone is capable of helping me anymore.