i cant believe i have reached here in life….

September 28th, 2011by alternativewhite

so till about two and a half months ago i was the most normal happy girl with a good life in general. My boyfriend then broke up with me coz i argued too much and he had warned me about it several times but i guess i just took him for granted and neva expected him to really end things.. We only dated for six months but those were the happiest ive eva been..ive had a few screwed up relationships before nd wen i met him he made me feel that all the jerks before were worth goin thru to meet him…he was an amazing loving boyfriend..he mad me a better person…since weve broken up i havent smiled genuinely even once…ive begged and pleaded of him to give us one more chance but he said he doesnt love me anymore and wen we spoke for the last time time day before yesterday he told me that i was being pathetic and i need to pik myself up and move on… but i cant …ive tried evrything fo the last 8 weeks but ive never been in a darker place in life…my parents are sick of telling me to snap out of it…theyve been really supportive but i dont blame them for gettin annoyed …my sister is getting married in a few months and i feel terrible coz i cant be happy for her…i cant be happy for anyone..seeing two people happy together makes me break down…ive become a horrible selfish human being and i hate being like this..i cant think of any other way but to end myself..i know its supposed to pass and il find someone else and all of that but i dont want anyone else…he was perfect..ive gone on a few dates nd all that i think of wen i am on those dates is how i wish it was him..he gave me the happiest six months of my life nd i would rather die with those memories than live in this depression…i know i will be hurting alot of people but i am anyway hurting them now…i dont want to talk to my friends about anything coz they jus say ur worth much more nd get over him but i know that is not possible…he was my lease on a new happy life nd its just gone away so quickly i feel lifeless..ive decided to drink a decent amount of alcohol and hang myself tom nite…i am goin to cal and message him one last time tom and tell him how much i miss him..if by any miracle he responds il be fine nd i hope someone replies here so i will let them know…if not i really hope at least my suicide is successful otherwise things will get worse if that is even possible…if anyone can guide me on how to hang myself properly i would really appreciate it…i really need this peace…cant go on with this hurt and hurting everyone else so much…

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