I always considered myself a strong person.. I am trying to survive through depression, suicidal thoughts, and being alone. But now, it just feels like its too much. I’m losing grip on what was making me hold on for so long. I don’t think I can do this. I feel so alone. I always looked to God to get me through these times, but now, I feel like he’s abandonned me, or given up hope on me. Or, He thinks I am stronger than I really am, He thinks I can deal with all of these events He’s throwing at me, but I CAN’T. It’s too much. I’m completely broken. I don’t trust anyone, the people I trusted stabbed me in the back. I’m so alone, I have no one to turn to for help or support. Everyday I wake up and I force myself to smile, no one has ever even thought to think that maybe it was fake and that I am completely falling apart. I seem like the happiest person, and that scares me. I feel like if I try to explain this to someone, they’ll think I’m faking it, because of how I act. All I want to do is cry. I’ve given up hope that things will get better… I don’t think I can do this. I’m not strong enough…
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I’m Nick. I use to be depressed and want to commit suicide. Every day I would fake a smile, like you do, to keep those around me from seeing my pain. When you open up people will give you sympathy and pretend to care, but then they will go away and you will just feel more empty inside.
I had to get over the pain myself, and it took a long time. I hope it doesn’t take as long for you, and want to help by sharing with you what I know. What would you like me to tell you to help get over the pain? What are your biggest fears and frustrations? What do you worry about? What would life look like if it was perfect?
I’m more than happy to share all the information I got. Ask anything and I will let you know.
I appreciate this so much! I would really, honestly LOVE to talk to you. You sound like you can reltate to me exactly. I don’t want sympathy from anyone, which is why I don’t open up to anyone, I just want someone to tell me its ok, if that makes sense.
How can we talk?
everything that you have said is exactly what i’ve been feeling. when i was going through some of my darkest times, i expected god to be there to comfort me, catch me, and just fix everything that had gone wrong. and many times he left me alone, to handle things on my own. and i couldn’t help but think that he had just abandoned me.
but here, read this story:
One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: One belonged to him, the other to the LORD.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of foot prints. He also noticed that it happened at the lowest and saddest times in his life.
This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it. “LORD, you said that once I decided to follow you you would walk with me all of the way But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times of my life there is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why, when I needed you the most, you would leave me.â€
The LORD replied, “My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.
even though i thought god had left me, in some ways i feel like he was carrying me the entire time. when i first attempted suicide, i was so disappointed because i couldn’t help but think that if he had really been there for me, i would never have felt so miserable that i felt that i needed to kill myself. but now looking back, i feel like he was there all along and in the end, he was indeed there to carry me. (the doctors told me that my survival was close to a miracle)
so even if you think he has abandoned you, maybe you will look back one day and realize he stood with you through your hardest times.
and if you’re in need of more encouragement, seek him more, and you will be answered.
oh and one more thing, it’s perfectly fine to break down once in a while 🙂
hope you stay strong and find what you are looking for. xx
this story is so inspirational. I couldn’t help but smile reading it, it gives me hope. I know He cares, He just has some weird ways of showing it..
he didnt make us strong enough to handle this life alone. dont give up. God hasnt abandoned u, hes knocking waiting for u to let him save u. thats what happened to me. i wanted to depend on no one but myself finally i came to the conclusion that no human can go threw this life completely alone. but we’re not perfect either.
This is so true, thankyou
When I saw your story I started to cry, because I see there is someone out there that feels the same way! Its hard but hang on the slightest hope you have left. For God LOVES YOU DEARLY! Not only God but there must someone out there that loves you more than you really would believe!! I am sure!!!
We can only hope..
Wow, when I read this it seemed as if you were reading my mind. When things continue to spiral downwards, it’s hard to look up and get back up, I know, i’ve been there. However I must say the story jslee posted brought a smile to my face, and more than a smile it brought hope. It’s a reminder to keep going because if you don’t have someone walking beside you, you’ll be on someone’s shoulders, which is why we keep going afrer all we’re only human. Keep faith, you’ll find your way!
Its nice to know someone feels the same! Thanky you!