I survived a suicide attempt almost three years ago – October 31, 2008, to be exact. I took a bunch of Tylenol over several days, and then took 125 Tylenol on October 31, 2008. Why? I got overwhelmed with life circumstances, and I truly had given up. “This would be such a peaceful thing, my suffering would end…” I told myself. I got so sick, threw up a bunch of times. wanted to keep the pills down but it was hard. I got really sick in the middle of the night, and had an epipheny…”I don’t want to go out this way.” I was in the hospital for several days, and realized I had a lot of things to look forward to.
Thinking of suicide? Tired of the bullshit stories of “life is all better now, and I’m glad I survived.” I KNOW what it’s like to be there!!! To stay around is gut-wrenching. There ARE solutions to this huge mess. I promise, when you do whatever it is you plan on doing, at the last minute when the physical symptoms start to hit you, you’ll be sorry. You don’t think you will be, but you will. I called an ambulance, something I SWORE I would never do. I got right up to the brink, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I didn’t really want to die.
I hope this is helpful for those of you that are right up to the edge. I’m so glad I surived. I never thought I’d say that. The problems that drove me to the edge, they eventually resolved. Imagine that I would have killed myself over….being evicted….traumatic memories…..hopelessness…..unbelievable sadness……it could go on and on.
Please, stop to think about how things will be solved. You ARE worth staying around. It may be tough, but if you don’t stay around, it will all be nothing.
Never thought I’d say this……I’m glad I survived.
2 comments
I’m glad you survived and are happy, but you seemed undetermined with your attempt.
I’m happy for you.
I keep feeling the same way. It’s like that thing: you want to kill yourself because you can’t take it anymore, because you want to feel some relief. But you need to be alive to feel relief.
I don’t know… at this point I really wouldn’t care either way. I’m trying to think of my future and trying to use it to help me cope with the present. But my coping mechanisms are fast running out. Even if after death I feel nothing, it wouldn’t mind. It would be better than this hell.
I don’t have anyone in this world left living for anyways. My family hates me, and my friends (though they are awesome) are not worth so much that I would stick around for them.
And I don’t think I will ever find anyone special worth living for.