Nothing to say… :|

  September 19th, 2011 by RogueShadow1281

Hmm… I might get struck with an idea, but I don’t know.
Any newcomers to this site. Maybe from someone telling you about it on a Facebook site, didn’t work? Okay then…

Well, life has been slow. My uncle is going to kick my dads ass for what he did and I feel injustice in that because he’s angry cuz I wouldn’t eat and I fainted.
We need a psychologist on here or something. I don’t know the reason I’m not eating, probably that my stepmom is who I hate and therefore won’t eat thanks to my hatred. It’s not a conscious decision, but more of an instinct or something to just repulsing thoughts about her foods taste. Its an odd thing but I can’t eat a lot of average tasting or whatever food but if it tastes good I eat more. I eat at my moms and she cooks phenomenally or when there’s fast food. Ive been craving Carls Jr. For the past week.

Depression comes and goes as it pleases and suicidal thoughts are implanted in my brain right next to the woman dying in the bathtub and struggling for 5 minutes, that video is glued in my brain, the thought that a quick death might not be painless, your lungs losing more and more oxygen, coughing underwater and struggling for air, throat and lungs hurt, and goes on for a long time. Any kind of death, impailment, falling, shooting, and others are mutilating the body and it’s disgusting. I want to use pills, but it’s not effective. I want my parents to ID my body with my body looking normal. Not bloody and gory or anything, yet they seem easier, shooting to the head is easiest but might strike you with pain, and those seconds may last forever, no one knows for sure.
I can’t sit without my schioliosis fucked up back to hurt and that’s why I look hunchbacked, as soon as I get home, I drink water or juice and lay in bed, reading posts and shit, and letting my back pain get soothed by laying down… I’m 16 with back problems cuz I play video games all day. Can I pay someone to kill me by strangulation?
I haven’t choked in a while, because I realized I have bad ADD and brain damage now, and I’m still as much of a “genius as before, but still retarded. Anyways my ADD may give a good topic.
My depression is gone, I will now speak of Janel. She’s a girl I knew from church and she’s in my Focus On Algebra 2 and we don’t talk much just say hi and make eye contact (no people skills with me). I want to ask her to the movies or something. I just don’t know how to ask her and I ***** out even though the nothing to lose thing. I thought of asking her to the homecoming dance in 4 weeks because I like that idea my friend thought of. (friend as in person I text whom I don’t know very well and never talk to) Janel is very pretty and I liked her since I met her when I was like 8, and always thought she liked me, but I didnt know how to talk much to anyone. Ands I wasn’t a showoff so I wouldn’t show her anything. I used to go to her house during summer since her mom babysat me and I was friends with her brother Albert. I remember her moms amazing sopes, and Yu-Gi-Oh cards, we would play with them together and remember odd and disgusting experiment. We got water our chewed gum into it and froze it. They said it tasted like bubblegum water (haha) and I shoulda tasted it, his sister put her gum in. Jk, that’s nasty. Well I don’t know, we had memories together, where they would go to school and across the street T their house I would wait for them. Those were distant memories, barely remembered last week…î‘Š… Well I hope she says yes and doesn’t have a boyfriend, and any dating advice. Other than my not telling her my depressing life story and all… Well hope we can be friends if she said no without the awkwardness that I so hate… I will be reading your posts, and watch what you say… Fuck what I just said can’t think straight… I love you Janel <3…

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