Pathetic Me

September 23rd, 2011by death4kisses

   how pathetic am i? today i had some sort of panick attack in my socials class so i started sawing at my skin with a pen lid. that how desperate i am. it didn’t even cut. it just peeled back layers of skin until i got this weird not-even-bleeding patch on my arm. god, i’m a pathetic, worthless, waste of space on the face of this earth.

   one of the boys i was working with asked what i was doing and i relied all calmly “Trying to cut myself with a pen lid.” that prompted him to ask “Why?” I didn’t even have to think about my answer. “Because i can control the pain, i can make it stop whenever i want, but i can’t control life, that just keeps going no matter how much i want it to end.”

   he looked at me like i was a freak. i guess i am though. how many fifteenyear olds feel the need to start cutting in the middle of class. i almost went to the bathroom to use the teeth of the papertowel disposal thing.

   why can’t life just end?

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