September 9th, 2011 by Lightning

not sure where to start. my parents took me to sunday school when i was real little, but i never really understood anything i learned. i stopped going, and in middle school i stopped believing in christ. one of the biggest mistakes i ever made. in october 2009 i was going out with a girl named bella. she was, and is to this day, the most beautiful thing i have ever seen. what got me was her eyes. she had deep, intense green eyes. and such a sweet voice. no matter what i was feeling, she always made me feel happy. loved. i loved her with all my heart. i would have done anything for her. i later discovered that her real name is kristen, and everything she said was a lie. i assume she is alive and well today, but she refuses to talk to me. anyway, october 17, 2009 i called her around 10 pm. i knew something was wrong. she had been crying. i asked what was wrong, and she just said ‘ theres something i gotta do, i have a knife and im just gonna do it.’ i said ‘what are you talking about? ‘    ‘im sorry; its not your fault.’ she hung up. i called about 20 times, each time greeted by the same haunting voice mail inbox. i thought for a few minutes, said goodbye to the one good friend i had left, wrote a poem, folded it in one hand, had a knife in the other. i was going to run myself through, just end it all. i couldnt.a while afterwards, i started going by lightning.  it was what she had called me. i figured that if i had a different name, i could have a different past. i was dead for a year until a neighbor invited me to go to a church youth group. i went, and for the past year, they have become a second family to me. i accepted christ in march 2010, and i have been a lot better ever since. i didnt know then, but know now, that even if you turn your back on god, he will still watch out for you and always love you. no matter how tough life seems, think about these few things: diamond is one of the strongest materials on the planet. but to make it, it withstands great amounts of pressure, and a lot of pieces are cut away. suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. when you put god first, you cant go wrong.


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