i’m having one of those days again…dont wanna go through the pain of offing myself..jus wanna sleep and not exist anymore.
nothing in my life brings me joy except that i am alive
school is pointless , my gpa is so low its too late to bring it up so i can forget about going to law school
i know my boyfriend is cheating but i dont wanna be alone so i try to ignore it and not cause any arguments…pathetic and self loathing
lucky to have a my job but my job security is shaky as the business could go belly up ….and then what for me
want to move but dont have the money saved up and dont want to move to another basement apartment but thats what i can afford
i am a beautiful young lady –not exaggerating here –and i just feel so worthless –dont know why i dont feel good enough
so  a pretty face definately does not equal happiness–those other pretty girls have their sht together and i just dont
i’m so alone
dont wanna do any work today or go to school or the gym or go out or anything
just wanna cry and drink and go to sleep
6 comments
I can’t remember who said: “Beautiful people kill themselves more often than others.”
Marilyn Monroe, for instance. Made herself up to be all pretty when they found her body, took 20 nembies, they found her curled around the toilet.
Physical attractiveness seems to put us into an existential dilemma. I’m a handsome (if eccentric) young man, I feel the same most of the time. I’d rather be alone, I’m safer that way, nobody gets hurt. I have to move back to Vancity soon, but I have to make the money first, somehow. (Shitty minimum wage hackwork, naturally) Selling art or manuscripts or acting, nice idea- but not something practical to be done for a living.
And so on and so on, all the time, unless I can focus on riding my bike somewhere or painting something or writing something. But I think that I can remember feeling this way many years ago, and I can remember phases in between which felt different. Can you?
Do you do any kind of art? And by that I mean ANY kind of self-expression? I find it really helps. And even if it doesn’t, something will be left behind that only you could have made. (That’s art, it’s the fingerprints of your own personality)
I wish you all the best.
-R
thanks Mahound..knowing someone took the time to respond actually makes me feel a lil better.
i doodle sometimes, mostly cartoon looking stuff, wrote poetry when i was 15…maybe i should try to do some painting
i just really want to be better — to be happy
read up on florence foster jenkins….listen to her glorious voice…. she knows all about being happy without being “better”. 🙂
i feel out of place, like everyone here is a girl 😮
🙁
What I do to entertain myself is watch films, research interesting topics, or compose music.
I think doing anything that positively stimulates the mind prevents me from ultimately wanting to kill myself. Even if I don’t have solutions, I feel myself becoming slightly more knowledgeable.
LOLfailz, I don’t think it truly matters whether everyone here is girl.