Someone needs to know.

  September 27th, 2011 by SilentScreams

I realize this site is more about ‘suicide’ and ‘depression’ but I think this kind of relates.

I have an eating disorder and it has made my life a living hell. Last summer I stopped eating, I lost 10 pounds in a month, that wasn’t enough. 4 months later I dropped to 90-95. It was the best feeling in the world. Unfortunatly I craved food, all the time. I started hitting or cutting to ditract fomr the cravings. Sometime in late October I discovered how to puke. I binged and purged alomst everyday for 2 months, I used a toothbrush. Over Christmas break I fainted for the first time. I was 87 pounds, my lowest, but it was still too much. Shortly after that my mom found out about the puking. I stopped right away, I was embarrassed and I knew she thought I was a ‘disappointment’. I resorted back to starving myself, but on March 23 I went to my dads house for a week and puked again. Only once though. I gained some weight afer that, for 4 months I was betweeen 95-100. I felt huge, I got my period for the first time in 9 months. Over summer break I reached 110, everyone thought I got better. HAH. I just got better at hiding, I was just waiting until they weren’t looking. At the end of August I purged again, it stayed this time. I started school and I’ve been puking everyday since September 7. Not that long, I know some people have struggled with EDs for years, but it still makes life miserable.

I made a youtube video confessing this, only one of my friends MIGHT have seen it, I don’t know, I’m too scared to ask. And even if she did she wouldn’t care.

I told two friends about a while ago, but they kinda blew it off. Anyways, I’m not sure I really want help. My goal is still to get back to 90.

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