fudge. I wish I wanted to die, do you know what I mean? I wish that I had the true urge to kill myself, to make this body go smoosh. I just want to stop. I’m so tired of it all. I don’t even want to run away somewhere to live out my days in paradise or something. I just want to stop being. Gosh, I wish I was never born. I wish my mother wasn’t a loose college girl that gave it up to the first guy that smiled her way. the hell are wishes anyway? Superstitious bull; it’s all bull.
I realized today that I do want help, that I wanna be saved. I’d even throw in with God and his lot if I thought I could be mended. I just don’t want to live my life on pills. I’ve seen what it does to a person. I was dating this girl with the most beautiful personality but she changed into a happy, shiny drone when she found the correct cocktail of pills for herself. She wasn’t the same person at all, she became just another bill paying, debt having human being. I DON’T WANT THIS LIFE! I don’t want to be a person. I don’t want to have thoughts or feel or eat or sleep or anything of it; it’s all such a strain. Everything hurts, everything hurts.
I want to kill myself but I’m a coward; I always wait for issues to resolve themselves. I, I, I, my I’m self centred. Stop thinking about me, but what is there but me and what I perceive? I don’t care about others and their plights.. die tyrone die, die you bastard child, die. you waste of a man, die. I can’t go on like this, writing and recording these apathetic rhymes for no one but myself to stew in and rage so much fricken rage. I don’t want to eb convinced that human life is worth living, don’t want pills. whats the other options, there has to be more, im beating away at this keyboard and there has to be more than this. I’m thinking of joining scientology but man, there has to better
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Hi. Just wanted to say that sometimes life just plainly SUCKS sometimes, but wanted to remind you that there are also Very GREAT days that come along that make you forget the Bad ones. In this life we don’t choose our parents, so we don’t got a choice but to live with them and learn to cope with their “issues”. But I believe that even through their errors they are still God’s blessing to our lives. Life is Tough, and being a parent is not easy. Maybe one day you will be a parent and fully understand the burden and hopefully won’t make the same mistakes your parent made. I want to apologize on behalf of your parent for any mistakes made that hindered your life. I wish there was a way to grab an eraser and make all the errors go away, but its not that simple. I know for a fact you are a very SPECIAL and very SIGNIFICANT person that was brought in to this life to make a Difference. You are already a WINNER and a FIGHTER…Have you thought about the fact that only 1 of MILLIONS of SPERM can get into the womb? You BEAT millions of other potential beings. God has GREAT PLANS for you. If anything I have learned in this life is that we have to make choices every day and those choices have reprocussions. When I was younger I too saw no purpose in my life and had toughts of wanting to die. Years have passed and I have seen much tragedy, many deaths, but I also have seen many MIRACLES and have also experienced much joy. We must learn to be patient and know that every TRIAL and HARDSHIP has its END DAY. And God never gives us more than we can handle. You might have heard of God, but you may not know who God IS. Weather you feel Him close or Not. It does not matter, because the FACT is that He is THERE with you. Feeling your pain and suffering. You are at the Center of His Heart. Your character is being molded right now. It hurts and it is painful and it seems sometimes like you are being pulled 10 different ways, but know that that trial will end Soon. Later you will fully understand Why things happened the way they did. Hope you find some confort in the following scriptures from the Bible. Jesus is Always on your side, trust Him always. His plans for you are for good and not for evil. Sending you a Big Hug!
Isaiah 30:18
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!
Deuteronomy 7:6
For you are a people holy to the LORD your God. The LORD your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession.
Deuteronomy 4:31
For the LORD your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you
Jeremiah 33:2,3
This is what the LORD says, he who made the earth, the LORD who formed it and established it—the LORD is his name: “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”
Romans 10:9
If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,†and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
Romans 10:10
For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.
Romans 12:2
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:21
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Deuteronomy 4:29
But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you seek him with all your heart and with all your soul.
Welcome to the real fucking goddamn boring world..yeah..
It’s sick & funny how like 85%-90% of humans can still choose and able to stand living in such fucking boring, mundane, repetitive existence.. My dream-world & imaginations are thousand times more vivid & interesting than this so-called fucking Real-world. God is playing a joke on me, I guess..
Reality is fucking boring, can’t stand it.
Wish the multiverse, astral project, spiritual realms, higher dimension and all those crazy shits are really true, and I’m transported there..
Otherwise,.just shoot me.
Rather not exist at all than exist just to live about 60-70 yrs of pure torture for me.
Multiverse – there is a good chance it is real.
Just saying… I study the stuff.
@Protoryu: so,..put it simply, would my super-vivid dreams & imaginations perhaps become a Reality itself, in another “me” in another multiverse?.. ‘cuz if that’s true (or have even a slightest possibility that yes it is), then at least it could give some sort of…a relief, somewhat.
Pills aren’t the only solution. And there are many different types, and they all have different effects on everyone, so don’t rule it out. But there is also therapy, and deep, deep constant self analysis.
Just because someone is happy doesn’t make them a drone… different things make different people happy… so either her idea of ‘happy’ isn’t the same as yours, and therefore you don’t truly believe she is happy (you’re probably wrong) or, you’re jealous that she is happy and you don’t relate anymore. Can’t you be happy for her?
Run away. Join the circus. Steal a boat. Cross an ocean. If you live like a fantasy you’ll never be bored.
But there’s also nothing wrong with being a cog in the machine, so don’t assume that anyone who does that is fake or not happy.
@tpgh and @niki: I like both your outlooks on life .. you’re both realistic and ‘genuine-to-the-core’ people .. the thing I’ve noticed is when you’re (too) immerged in reality and decide to look at things for what they are, it makes people uncomfortable .. they’d rather have you chasing illusions like most of them do
* in tune instead of immerged