September 30th, 2011by confused

I keep running away from myself. I don’t want to think, because if I start thinking, I start going over how fucked up I feel despite leading such a great life.

I don’t know why I’m close to snapping. I never thought I was free from these thoughts. I keep holding on tightly to my feelings, because if I let go, I’m going to do something I’m not sure I’d regret. But I thought I’d get better if I stay away. But I haven’t. And it’s just festering all these months.

Thing is, I don’t want anybody to help me, so nobody ever ever knows. The hardest thing is pretending you’re okay. It’s fucking exhausting trying to pretend. But I won’t do anything else, because that’s all I know how to do. So I smile and it’s like I’m already dead. I’m so tired of feeling like this. But I won’t do anything cause I’m too scared to change my life.

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