September 3rd, 2011 by Kitty

it sucks to be a twin. it sucks because people always get us mixed up. even though we now look almost nothing alike. it sucks because people still think we are exactly the same and hop from one of us to the next. i was looking through old pictures, out of boredom really, and realized that i have always been jealous of her. she’s prettier than me. she seems happier than me. (although she too could be wearing a fake smile). she’s better at drawing. better at writing. which discourages me from doing it. it’s not really and never has been a competition between us. but it saddens me. because i’m jealous of the one person who has been with me through my whole life. and she hasn’t had it too easy either. i can’t say why. but i am. and that makes me sad. i don’t know what i would do without her. and now that i think of it.. what would she do without me? what would she do after i kill myself? would she be happier? this is the first time i’ve thought about it.. and it makes me want to kill myself for thinking about stuff like that. because i don’t want to care how people will feel after i die. because regardless, i will die. probably sooner rather than later.

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