Emotionally im dead right now. My mom just came into my room and asked me whats wrong because i dont “seem like myself” and i told her i was just tired.
The truth is im not tired im dead. I cant face my mothers reaction to me telling her all i can think about these days is dying. All i want to to is be happy but that seems so hard for me right to even think about right now. Im kinda in a limbo with my life right now. I dont want to live, i dont weant to die because i cant do that to my parents, but i just want it to be over. I dont want my parents to see that im sad so instead of cutting myself again ive now resorted to hitting myself.
I just feel so drained right now, i have no energy to do anything, and to be honest i dont really care. I stopped caring a while ago, and im afraid im never going to care again.
4 comments
I was feelin kinda low today too. I went to church and out of no where people came up to me and kept asking are you alright? Hows life? Everything goin good? I was paranoid the entire time that they could read my mind.
And I’ve never cut before, i used to hit my head against walls, or bash it with a rock, trying to get my mind straight. I’ve always been afraid that i’m kinda crazy so i used to hit my head all the time.
Now i jus destroy shit when i’m down or pissed. I destroyed the shit out of cabinet the other day when work started stressin me out. It felt so good. i’d suggest it, it gives you a great sense of power and relieves alot or anger. Jus find something and destroy it.
But you sound like you have such caring parents. Surely you can confide your troubles to them?
I know how you feel, its that horrible all consuming blankness where nothing seems worth the effort and just stopping seems so sweet. Ive been there and i still find myself there sometimes. Look if you just want to let some steam off then just email me at lauriejohnson1@hotmail.co.uk just talking about and knowing theres no repercussions for letting it out could be weirdly theraputic. You dont need to talk about anything you dont want to and no matter what im not gonna judge you or anything because i dont know you and dont know your backstory.
I have days like this too. Sometimes it helps not to look too far in the future, just one day at a time. That way, it’s not so… overwhelming