Hahaa the night’s upon me it’s only 8pm here so i have a while o finalize my decision, once again… If i do not post november 1st, I am dead.
I just wish I had more time… But I don’t this was my date, while all the other 16 yr olds are out getting drunk, high, and laid. I alone dying… And I’d have it no other way 🙂
October 2011
I’m so confused about what I want. Â I’m a 23 year old female and yet I have these strange, conflicting cravings about sex. My boyfriend utterly destroyed my sanity when he left about eight months ago, a grand feat as I was the most stable, sane and normal person I knew. I knew myself so well then… I was a smart, strong, career driven, straight feminist. I had a normal to low sex drive, but I blamed it on the fact that we didn’t live together and it was more difficult to be romantic while my roomates were in the next room. Then, after we […]
one of the few rhymes that I’ve wrritten that I think you SPers might enjoy
what would i be doing if i weren’t getting high?
i’d probably be dead, depression is so sly
think about it, an assassin in your mind
he creeps all about as he wants and divines
new ways to inflict mental torture
until the day that you decide that this is not what you signed up for
you didn’t sign, so you cut down the dotted line
yadda yadda yadda, friends and family found crying
at least no more days will be spent sighing
it’s off to nothing, brain is off, some peace and quiet
smoke on […]
i dont know what i feel anymore. theres pain because i still cry at times, but a lot of the time im just too tired to feel. im starting to think that feeling tired will eventually take over all other feelings, and i dont know what will happen then. ive been thinking about suicide for years, but im always too scared to do it. i dont care about pain or anything that could happen while im alive, im just afraid that once i die, something awful can/will happen because i killed myself.
i dont really wish to be dead, i just wish to put an end […]
I don’t have anything to offer the world so in my mind, I can’t have a woman. I’m consciously throwing my life away because of my philosophical principles. It’s like.. I’ve already started down this road of self destruction. I can’t take it all back and try again.
I mean, I could but I don’t want to. So much effort for nothing really; a permanent place in the friend zone is all anything ever amounts to. I don’t blame them for rejecting me; after all, I’m practically mute. The last time I asked out a girl, I did it via a hastily written letter that I […]
Without a mirror I still see your reflections
Deep inside my heart are dangerous infections
I drink my self made cyanide acid
While igneous rocks are being thrown at her
Does she know i am her?
Does he know he is him?
In this coffin I lay down to sleep
I invite you and your friends
I have seen myself without seeing her
I am her?
I am a figment of imagination.
All eyes have created precipitation.
Por favor,me odian
Please hate me.Please hate me.
There eventually comes a time when you can see with absolute clarity that you’ll never have the life you wanted.
How can anyone have the heart to ask you to keep on living with that knowledge.
Every night I only wish to die. I’ve witnessed much of lifes disgusting corruption and how fate plays its game in twisted manners. I want to die because I dont know who I am anymore. I want to die because thats the only place I see comfort in. I only ask for death, nothing more. Everything has lost its taste, i cant listen to music without getting sick of it in the first 3 seconds, i cant eat well if my appetite is banished. I cant speak my mind if there isnt a point to it..my words flow with the wind, catching someones ear, but […]
So i actually wrote a suicide note and drove to the middle of nowhere but i didn’t go through with it. i love my children too much to leave them alone in this horrible world so maybe after I’ve raised them i can finally bring myself to end all of my suffering. or maybe not i don’t want to really end my life but to search through it, i don’t find anything good enough to keep slave driving myself for any of my dreams because everyone i love interferes with any and every dream hope and aspiration i have had it like if I’m […]
Why do we see suicide as so bad and so awful. I personally believe that it’s one of the most beautiful acts of self love that exists on this planet. We applaud those that risk their lives for others, people who stand in front of a bullet for a loved one or people that put themselves in harms way to protect others. I applaud anyone that risks their lives for others, but I also appplaud those that risk their lives for themselves. People might think that people who kill themselves hate themselves and have no love for themselves, but it’s just the opposite. They cannot […]
Can somebody help me? I am a 15 year old boy, I am alright looking, and I can get girls, I am in the top of all my classes, and I have a great circle of friends, but I have a problem. All through these past 3 weeks, I stay up all night, and have the worst thoughts. I think that everyone hates me, and that I shouldn’t be living anymore. I don’t want to have to wake up tomorrow, I just want my life to end. Last night was the worst, if it wasn’t for my parents next door, I would have crept out […]
I have been with the same boy for a year and two months. I love him unconditionally. We have been fighting recently, we go to separate schools and it is difficult to see each other, between school and working and paying for gas. It gets tough. I drove out to see him yesterday and when I got there he ignored me. He didn’t say one word to me. So I picked up my stuff and left. I sat in my car and cried. Right when I was pulling away he came out and talked to me. I decided to stay for awhile until I had to work. Work is […]
I wish tomorow would come now. Faster. So hard to wait these damn 14 hours..
I hate today.
Tomorow working.. Release me! My own brother humiliates me in each step. Im strong person for everything, but not for him. I never knew how to handle his attacks. Never.. After 24 years i didnt find the way. Sometimes i wish that he did suicide, and not my bf. I even told him that.. Only one thing he answered “i am too good for that” . Wanted to crash his head. With axe. I’m full of angryness to him.
To hate my brother… What a life!
Just admitted to my best friend how dire my situation is. Not the suicide eventuality, just that my ending up homeless is a real short-term possibility. Oh well, thankfully my family never interacts directly with him so the possiblity of an information leak is minimal. Still, this could backfire.
There are 7 billion people in the world, yet I feel so alone 🙁
I am confused of whether I am depressed or not. Truly confused. Maybe I should attempt the brainwashing that I’m depressed again as to be normal again. What’s a good site to look for suicide methods that’s iPhone compatible so I can copy n paste the words and pictures and whatnot of the methods as I will be offline on weekdays. (Hope I can get high with friends soon). I have depressing quotes and how to make bongs and pipes, how to build a pipe bomb (for defensive and possibly a last resort and explosive suicide.) I am bored of this life. I don’t want […]
Is it okay that i live in my own world? That i came into the real world for many reasons uncall. But sink slowly back into my world. I hate being here but i enjoy being in my world. My world actually makes me happy. It maybe small but i lovieth it. Would i be call insane that i have this world? But if i do kill myself would my world be taken away from me or could i still have it. :L
okay well idk what to do anymore i just feel very lonely and i have so many people that care about me but i still feel like no ones ever here for me. i just wanna end my life i feel like it would take all my pain away that i have bundled up inside me ya know? anyways i just cant take all this crap anymore my life is spiraling down slowly and i hate it. not one good thing has happend everytime i turn aroud i get more bad news ……………
hello hello everyone, i hope you are all hanging in there today.
just wanted to share something that has helped me in my journey through depression and multiple suicide attempts. i hope that this will encourage you guys as well, or at least give you another perspective on life. i am not trying to push religion or my personal beliefs on anyone so if you read this and think “what complete bullshit”, that is your rightful choice and i will respect that.
it’s important to know that i am part of this too- part of this darkness and misery and loneliness. i know what it feels like […]
My best friend shot herself almost six months ago. Ever since her death, nothing in my life has been the same, no matter how much I try. She was the best friend I ever had and the only one who I could talk to about anything and tell all my secrets too. I don’t have anyone like that anymore. In fact, I don’t have any friends anymore. After my friend committed suicide, all my other friends at college (who didn’t know her), started pulling away from me. I felt like I had some kind of contagious disease that everyone was trying not to catch. The […]