My name is Isabella, but almost everyone calls me bells. I am 14 years old and i have tried to kill myself 5 times. The first was when i was 6 and it was by trying to hang myself. The second was when i was 8 and it was by trying to drown myself. The third one was when i was 9 and it was by trying to stab myself. The fourth one was last year and i tried to kill myself with an overdose of painkillers. The last one was saturday, i tried to jump to my death. My life is hell for me. I never met my father because he abandoned me when i was about 8 months. I came to this country when i was a year old and all my family stayed in the country i lived before. I’ve never met any of my other family members besides my grandfather and aunt. My mother hates me. She has threatened to kill me, has tried to kill me, and use to abuse me a lot. She has said im worthless, stupid, and just a burden. I’ve had 2 stepfathers. The first one use to try to wrap sheets around me so i couldnt breathe. I would scream a lot because i was claustorphobic and it would scare me. The second one and the current one has hit me a lot. He says im a bastard and that im not his therefore he treats me differently then my 2 brothers and 2 sisters. Which one of my brothers is 4 and has had 3 open heart surgeries while the other has a mental disorder. My other sister is treated better because she is my stepfathers while my last sister i have never met because she is my father’s daughter. All my siblings are half-blood siblings. My stepfather’s brother sexually molested me when i was about 8 or 9. I havent told anyone because i have always been scared. About 2 years ago i watched my best friend paul explode in the army after a car with bombs rolled by the area he was patroling. 4 years ago i went out with a guy who cheated on me, lied to me, and used me for 3 years. About 2 weeks ago i broke up with a guy who i went out with for over a year. He was my best friend who helped all the pain go away. Now i dont have anybody to make the pain go away. Im bullied at school because i am small and because im unpopular. I dont want to live anymore with this pain that is killing me, i just want it to go away. My best friends have tried to help me but the feeling of kill myself still wont go away. I know i am suppose to hope for better but i just cant take it anymore. ive fought so hard for 14 years. I cut myself once after being abused by my stepfather, ever since i havent. I dont know what to do anymore but i just want the pain to go away….
7 comments
tragic life :C
I know how it feels to not know how to get the pain away, i understand you. I self harm but thats cos thats my way of getting it out, im 13, email me if you want. <3
If you have tried to kill yourself 5 times, why have you not been successful? Did someone find you? If so, who? Is there a safe place you can go?
For the first 3 times, my brothers begged me not to do it. They started crying and i didnt have the heart enough to do it right there in front of them. The 4th time my ex talked me out of it and the 5th time my friends got together and told me that it was wrong. But the feelings still continue.
So then there are a lot of people who want you to live. I know you have these terrible feelings, but your brothers need you. Your home sounds very… unhomely. Is there any other place you can go? You should speak to a councillor about all this.
My parents wouldnt let me move somewhere else. I already offered to them to see if i could move with a friend or go to a boarding school but they wont let me.
If your stepfather is abusive, home might not be the safest place for you. you have some options, depending on what you want. You can tell the police and maybe try to find a foster home. Its up to you, just remember you have options. Shitty ones, but still options.