So alone

  October 18th, 2011 by Longlivebarbie

I’m not sure if any one reads this stuff. I did notice there were not many comments on posts. But it feels like it would be good to let go. So here goes.

I really messed myself up. Gave myself cancer, a bad liver, weak kidneys, etc. I have been living in hell for two years battling this. I just don’t think I can any more. I want to stop fighting. Give in. let go. I want to seperate from this mortal machine that can house such pain and sorrow.

I don’t know if giving up qualifies as suicide, so i’m not sure I should be here. But I have no one to tell. No one to cry to. No one to hold me. I feel so utterly devastatingly alone. I pray a lot, hoping to find something. But don’t find anything.

Unfortunately I am beating the cancer. But the prices may not be worth the end result. I will probably have ramage the rest of whatever time I have here. Is it worth it? I don’t know. I wish I had someone to talk with. To weigh it out with. To think with and to just cry to. I guess that’s why I’m here. Hoping to find hope, in one way our another, for one decision or another. Is there anyone out there?

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