I’m not sure if any one reads this stuff. I did notice there were not many comments on posts. But it feels like it would be good to let go. So here goes.
I really messed myself up. Gave myself cancer, a bad liver, weak kidneys, etc. I have been living in hell for two years battling this. I just don’t think I can any more. I want to stop fighting. Give in. let go. I want to seperate from this mortal machine that can house such pain and sorrow.
I don’t know if giving up qualifies as suicide, so i’m not sure I should be here. But I have no one to tell. No one to cry to. No one to hold me. I feel so utterly devastatingly alone. I pray a lot, hoping to find something. But don’t find anything.
Unfortunately I am beating the cancer. But the prices may not be worth the end result. I will probably have ramage the rest of whatever time I have here. Is it worth it? I don’t know. I wish I had someone to talk with. To weigh it out with. To think with and to just cry to. I guess that’s why I’m here. Hoping to find hope, in one way our another, for one decision or another. Is there anyone out there?
5 comments
Hello. *waves*
There’s no should or shouldn’t in posting here. You just do in hope that someone can help in some minute way.
You should talk to your doctor about this. There are support groups for people who are in similar positions who ask themselves the same questions every day. People who might be able to understand your concerns and fears. I’ve never had cancer so I can’t be much help even though I wish I could say I could.
There is a kind of kinship in aloneness if nothing else… I could be there for you no problem. Mind you, I’m not particularly warm-hearted, smart, interesting or even articulate so you might want to wait for a better offer than the time of yours truly. You’re sure to get many actually, from what little I’ve seen around here it has more than its fair share of kind and caring people.
What scars said. Wherever you choose to turn I think the important thing here is to not make your suffering the core of your decisions. What do you actually want from life?
I also agree with scars. I can relate to your post, but once I beat it and got my life on track I can’t believe I wanted to give up. I still have those feelings, which is obviously why I’m here, but I’m glad that I didn’t give up. Talk to your doctor, there will be people you can talk to in person. I hope it all works out for you, only you can make the right decision.
So you say that you are beating cancer and yet are feeling depressed?
Well, if you have been suffering physical pain for two years, that would definitively leave anyone pretty run down, but beating such an illness is like being born again and you have the chance to restructure your life. No matter your age, or your circumstances, there is a pair for each shoe, so there will definitively be your match somewhere. The thing is to find him/her. Write down a wishlist, and put it in order of achievement.