I can’t really say that I want to die, but I don’t really want to live, either. If I had my way, I could just stay in a nice little cycle of drinking and sleeping, but that’s not really a sustainable solution.
I feel like I’ve just burned myself out over the past ~9 years of school. Provided I pass all of my classes this year (which is a tall order), I’ll graduate with two degrees in May. Being able to say that is nice, but I have no clue what I’m going to do with it. My grades aren’t good enough to get me into any kind of respectable post-graduate education, and I sure as hell don’t want to teach. The prospect of job-hunting is downright intimidating at best, and I have no clue what kind of position I’d be able to land with just a bachelor’s degree in physics.
I don’t even know if I’m going to be able to tackle the work ahead of me in the next seven months. All of my classes are pretty unforgiving. All of my friends have graduated ahead of me, so I’ve got no social life to speak of. Hell, most of the time I don’t even want to leave my room. I can’t really even relate to the people I have regular contact with.
My advisors have been less than helpful, since they just tell me to get letters of recommendation and start trying to get interviews. The fact is that I don’t have enough of a decent relationship with any of my professors to reasonably ask them for a letter of rec, and I’m socially awkward enough that I’ll botch any interviews I end up landing.
I just have no idea where to go from here. Or, for that matter, if I can go anywhere. Not to mention whether or not I’ll like where I end up.
Does anybody think they can give me some direction?
21 comments
You already know the direction, you are just reluctant to take it – get letters of recommendation and start trying to get interviews. You don’t seem to want to try because you are assuming you’ll fail before you’ve even begun.
Do you even have an interest in physics?
@DraAtHelvete: Actually, it doesn’t matter what degree you get, as long as you get something. There are plenty of stories where people get a degree in something they thought they liked, and then ended up doing a completely different job. This is a globalized world we’re talking about, so there’s a greater emphasis on skills rather than content knowledge. If you’ve got the right skills, you can make it anywhere other than the professions that really need specialized knowledge.
Like what one_day said, you already know the direction. And to answer your second-last paragraph, you certainly will go somewhere, whether or not you choose a direction or let yourself be pushed along by external circumstances. You may like where you end up, you may not, but if you don’t do anything, the odds of not liking it become higher.
Yeah, physics has been my passion for a long time. It’s more or less the only topic I can actually sustain a conversation about. I’m not exactly the sharpest tool in the drawer, though… I’ve really only stuck with it this long because I absolutely despise the thought of having to study anything else. At best, I’m an “average” student… my GPA is currently around a 2.2. Consequently, none of the letters I would get could say very much that would reflect positively on me.
On top of that, I had to withdraw for the Spring term last year because of some changes in the growing list of psychiatric medications I’m on. That’s not exactly going to help me either.
As for interviews… frankly, you’re right. I’m scared to try. I’m downright terrified. Honestly, rejection frightens me more than anything else. Every time I get an essay or an exam back in class and I find out that I didn’t do as well as I’d hoped (which is often) I have to fight to keep from breaking down and crying in front of everybody. Having to make it through an hour-long interview would just be fucking humiliating.
@DraAtHelvete: You could try asking your advisors for interview tips. Or hell, just anyone else (family, alumni, friends etc). The letters are an option; as long as you keep your options open, there are other paths to take. If the letter-and-interview path fails, then seek a job by yourself (though I know it’s not easy, what with this economy…).
I’m sorry to hear about the meds. Do research on the meds you take to check out the possible side-effects, some effects can be quite… undesirable. Keep up with your work because once you fall behind it’s really difficult to catch up again. Do the best you can so you won’t feel regret at the end.
Wow. I’d give anything to be where you’re at… Higher education is a dream I aspire to make a reality.
Lecturers usually do their best to write letters that focus on the positives, so I don’t think they would dwell on your GPA, more that you have a real passion for physics and that you were reliable and ontime with handing in assignments (?) so best to just get the letters, if you don’t like them you don’t have to use them.
Interviews are scary, yes, but try to remember they are just another person like you. Try to engage them on a topic you feel comfortable talking about… physics? In my experience, getting a job is often less about the skill set, and more about passion or how well you would fit in with the team.
Good luck, and if all else fails, apparently it helps to picture them naked. But only if they are hot.
@one_day: Well it depends very much on the job DraAtHelvete is looking at. Best to look at what the job requirements are and then play up to those.
That last line totally cracked me up.
@Umbra_Uroboros: Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it. =P
@one_day: Really? I know a few people in the program who’ve had professors tell them straght-up that they couldn’t get a decent letter of rec because they hadn’t performed well in the class. Turning assignments in on-time isn’t really one of my strong points… I have moderate-to-severe ADD so accomplishing anything on-schedule is a real challenge for me. A lot of the time I’ll half-finish an assignment or I won’t feel confident in my work, so I won’t turn it in because I’d rather seem lazy than stupid.
I suppose you’re right with regards to interviews… although my so-called ‘skills’ consist mostly of basic competence in a number of sciences, an uncanny ability to make inappropriate or nonsensical analogies, and enough experience playing Dungeons & Dragons that I can probably quote the manuals word-for-word on grapple rules.
@teshyn: Honestly, I’ll take anything that actually makes use of my degree and pays enough that I don’t have to live in a ghetto. Most people just see/hear the word “physics” and assume I’m some sort of super-genius–or that I’m at least smarter than they are (which isn’t always the case)–and that I’ll just be amazing at anything I try.
@DraAtHelvete: Heh, of course I only meant the positive aspects of your situation. You’re going to graduate then have the possibility to get a good paying job!!! Now that would make me happy enough to live.
@DraAtHelvete: Screw their assumptions, and believe in yourself. Always.
You’ll have to hunt around for a bit to land a job; job fairs can be a good place. So too are online websites/job portals and the newspapers. Make your own opportunities!
Better brace yourself. As far as interviewers and those HR vampires are concerned you are begging them for a position and no nuance or consideration of the person they have in front of them as an actual individual will ever even briefly cross their minds. Take the first thing you’re actually offered. Prolonged unemployment is utterly degrading.
Still, being a young science graduate is far from the worst position you could find yourself in.
@Umbra_Uroboros: Eh… it’s… well, I suppose that I’ll get some sense of satisfaction out of it. Part of the reason why I’ve stuck with the physics program is just to be able to say that I did it. I figure, “Hell, if I can get a degree in physics, I can do ANYTHING.” I mean, I like the material… I just can’t stand the way I’m constantly tested on it. And with all this job-hunt/grad-school-hunt clusterfuck looming in the next year or so, I feel like my life is never going to be anything more than having to prove myself to someone else. I mean, I’m fine with who I am and what I’m capable of. But the rub is that the level of ability I’m satisfied with won’t necessarily let me pay my bills. Or let me get a job that lets me come home everyday without hating myself. =/
A bit of a non-sequitur here, but I apologize if my… *ahem* colorful vocabulary upsets anybody. I tend to be a bit foul-mouthed, and even more so after I’ve had a few drinks. Which I have. Had. Now.
DON’T JUDGE ME! ;>_>
@DraAtHelvete: You are such a delightful character! Don’t worry, I have never judged anyone. I’m open-minded to pretty much anything. It really is pleasant to have a chat with adults. I’m always surrounded by people younger than me, it gets tiresome. Oh but I’m not good at giving advice. But I’m a good listener! Plus, I make a great scapegoat. Hah. If ever, you want company or want somebody to talk to then you’re free to email me.
@Umbra_Uroboros: You flatter me, sir and/or madam. Most people tend to value me for my eccentricities and… well, not much else. I guess I make a good ice-breaker at parties. In my experience, anyone who can see past that is (more often than not) actually worth knowing. I appreciate (and probably will take you up on) your offer of email communication at some undetermined point in the future.
Another non-sequitur: I just realized that I don’t use about 60% of my vocabulary when I’m sober. Does anyone else have this problem?!?
@DraAtHelvete: This is the land of cusses, actually, so no one’s gonna judge you. We’re in no position to judge, really — most of us have trouble just dealing with ourselves.
Oh, you’re feeling the “I’m stuck with the friggin’ expectations of others” thing… The problem is that we’re stuck with duties/expectations/responsibilities for most of our lives. Hell, even the Statue of Liberty ain’t liberated, if you get what I mean. That’s society; we can’t escape it. Or at least, that’s what my pdoc said. After all those sessions of therapy his basic advice to me was, “Live with it, get over it.”
If you’re really looking for purpose in your life, try finding something you really, really want to do. Like, if you don’t have any time or money constraints, what would you do? (I think I posted this same thing to someone else’s post.) Identifying something that’s fulfilling beyond making pots of money or just earning a living would help. Of course, the more important question after this would be, “Why do I want to do XXX? In what way is it fulfilling/enjoyable?”
Teshyn is right, it all comes down to what kind of job you are applying for and what culture you’re from… I have worked in UK, Australia and USA and have found that in UK and Australia, the culture tends towards being a team player and having a sense of humour, whereas in the USA it’s more about confidence and upselling your skills. Saying all that, I work in the arts, and so I don’t think my industry is comparable to most industries.
Maybe your lecturers are different from mine, once again… I did an arts degree and our tutors and lecturers would talk and socialise amonst the students, so we were all sort of ‘friends’… so generally they were very nice about writing references. Maybe in the sciences they are a little more hard line…? Either way, it doesn’t hut to ask and get the letter, and you can decide later if you want to use it.
All of this preperation stuff: getting the letters, looking for interviews, it’s just SHIT THAT YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE WAY. Don’t even bother thinking about the actual interviews at this stage – it’s too far over the horizon. For now, just get those letters and focus on getting some interviews. If you look too far in over the horizon it is just too daunting to handle.
I can already see one positive aspect of your personality, for all you harp on about the negatives: You have a sense of humour at least.
@Umbra: Bit off-topic here, but what age range exactly do you consider as “adults”?
Do I sound like an “adult”? (Too many people say conflicting things about me, it’s hard to determine.)
@DraAtHelvete: I’m a lady, and yes I will be jumping with joy when I do receive a random email out of the blue someday.
@teshyn: People above 21 years of age. Or are at least mature and have a good set of vocabulary. Heh.
Feel free to email me on whatever, too. It’s always nice to talk (:
@teshyn: Ah, well that’s a relief at least. Checking my language around other people is only bearable for so long, y’know?
If money were no object and I could do whatever the hell I wanted for the rest of my life… I’d probably be a student, believe it or not. I just have this raging boner for knowledge that… well, you get the idea.
I enjoy science because everything is very clear-cut and a lot less political than most ofther careers seem to be. There are fairly well-defined critera for determining whether something is “right” or “wrong”; it’s not just a matter of someone’s opinion. At best, any argument is restricted to who ought to get credit for a discovery, whether your experiment was well-done, etc. You can always at least glean something constructive from an opposing viewpoint. Failing a career in science, though, I’d love to get involved with the design/production of pen-and-paper RPGs ( e.g. Dungeons & Dragons, Mutants & Masterminds, etc). They’re things that have always given me a lot of enjoyment and I would be satisfied if I could give back to the hobby that’s been so good to me.
@one_day: Unfortunately, I think the only real way to “be friends” with a physic professor is to land a research internship with them… and I’m pretty sure that involves sucking someone’s dick at some point, which is where I draw the line.
As for my sense of humor… well, you gotta laugh or you gotta cry, right?
@DraAtHelvete: I get what you mean. I too have this “raging boner for knowledge”… except that I’d rather not be a student. I’d rather go out there and learn what I want to learn, at my own pace. I suppose it’s my country’s education system that’s to blame; people have been complaining for years that it’s too structured and only focuses on producing As.
It’s cool that you know what you want, and why you want it. Work towards it! Nothing beats aimlessness like having a goal.