October 26th, 2011 by DraAtHelvete

I can’t really say that I want to die, but I don’t really want to live, either.  If I had my way, I could just stay in a nice little cycle of drinking and sleeping, but that’s not really a sustainable solution.

I feel like I’ve just burned myself out over the past ~9 years of school.  Provided I pass all of my classes this year (which is a tall order), I’ll graduate with two degrees in May.  Being able to say that is nice, but I have no clue what I’m going to do with it.  My grades aren’t good enough to get me into any kind of respectable post-graduate education, and I sure as hell don’t want to teach.  The prospect of job-hunting is downright intimidating at best, and I have no clue what kind of position I’d be able to land with just a bachelor’s degree in physics.

I don’t even know if I’m going to be able to tackle the work ahead of me in the next seven months.  All of my classes are pretty unforgiving.  All of my friends have graduated ahead of me, so I’ve got no social life to speak of.  Hell, most of the time I don’t even want to leave my room.  I can’t really even relate to the people I have regular contact with.

My advisors have been less than helpful, since they just tell me to get letters of recommendation and start trying to get interviews.  The fact is that I don’t have enough of a decent relationship with any of my professors to reasonably ask them for a letter of rec, and I’m socially awkward enough that I’ll botch any interviews I end up landing.

I just have no idea where to go from here.  Or, for that matter, if I can go anywhere.  Not to mention whether or not I’ll like where I end up.

Does anybody think they can give me some direction?

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