October 17th, 2011 by louloubell

 I have been alone my whole life. my dad killed himself but told us he was doing it. my mom remarried and yeah that guys brother abused me sexually, my mom knew and let it happen than mad me move in with the man when i was 14. im 30 now. I have tried and failed at killing myself over the past 16 yrs. im a single mother. but i get little to no joy from my kids. I love them but the pain i Indore everyday out ways the good they bring.  I have never been loved by anyone person. my life has been my family putting me down doing bad things to one and another and i always take the blame. I met this guy 2 years ago. feel in love and he left. told me i should sdo the world a favor and die. that im white trash and nothing more he said things about my abuse that i wanted it that i made the man do it and that he couldnt believe he ever kissed me or slept with me that i am a filthy whore who like s to sleep with old men. I am heart broken. I have lost 30lbs in three weeks. I sat in my tub the other night for hours with a razor in my hand just trying to let go but my kids have no one but me so i cant. Than i start to hate them for making me stay longer. god its not fair. i hate my life and i want to die.

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