I have been alone my whole life. my dad killed himself but told us he was doing it. my mom remarried and yeah that guys brother abused me sexually, my mom knew and let it happen than mad me move in with the man when i was 14. im 30 now. I have tried and failed at killing myself over the past 16 yrs. im a single mother. but i get little to no joy from my kids. I love them but the pain i Indore everyday out ways the good they bring. I have never been loved by anyone person. my life has been my family putting me down doing bad things to one and another and i always take the blame. I met this guy 2 years ago. feel in love and he left. told me i should sdo the world a favor and die. that im white trash and nothing more he said things about my abuse that i wanted it that i made the man do it and that he couldnt believe he ever kissed me or slept with me that i am a filthy whore who like s to sleep with old men. I am heart broken. I have lost 30lbs in three weeks. I sat in my tub the other night for hours with a razor in my hand just trying to let go but my kids have no one but me so i cant. Than i start to hate them for making me stay longer. god its not fair. i hate my life and i want to die.
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I am so sorry that abusive egomaniacs have made you feel this way. None of it is true. Some people really do need to put others down just so they can feel powerful and good about themselves. I hope you understand that all those things he said, were really about HIM not you.
I wish that was the truth. But it is not just him who make those syayements to me. The man who abused me told everyone that he paid me 500 to take him around the world. My ex was the first person to ever hear all of what happened to me the whole story the true story. He used it against me. He called and spoke to me on saturday. He told me if I wasnt a crazy ***** tjat he would have taken me to his brothers wedding. But instwad he took a date and that I am a person he waisted two years on and it was the worst of his life. God it hurts so bad. And he makes it worse. I beg him not to that its killing me and he dont care he keeps making me worse
The problem is you are surrounded by the wrong sort of people. They need to put others down to make themselves feel big and strong. They see you as someone they can easily put down, because others are already putting you down, so they join the party. Once again, I say, this is more a reflection on THEIR cowardly nature, your only fault is that you submit to it because you have never known anything else. There is a whole world out there of people who care, you just have to get out of that pocket of the world that doesn’t. sounds like your family are not very supportive. Talk to a proffessional and maybe try to get some distance from all this, it doesn;t sound good for you. You can be the person you want to be, you really can. But you have to take the first step