Hello there!
This last 24 shift was like hell. Daytime its okay, but at night here came suiciders. For the first time in my job time we got 4 at night! Usualy our psychiatric team with proffesional doctors are going to such patiens, but they didnt work yesterday.
Nobody knows why, but all psychiatric ER was full of such people. Not a full-moon.. hmm., And they all chosen drugs. What a fools! i didn’t meet any of them died from drugs, we always come in time and save them.
I was very angry. Non of them told me a serious reason why decided to die.. Love, Studies, Love. WTF? 18-22 years old kids think they know something about love?!
Love comes after 20 years together, not after one date!
My colleague told me a very dramatic story – there lived a friend, who had a grandmother. Grandma’ suicided. Then her mother did., And her sis’. Three women suicided in one family. One after one. That’s a real crash.
The worst thing in my job practise is when we find person dead, but have a right to make CPR and then they are starting to breath with pulse. It’s a deep deep shit. They becoming vegetables. Laying in intensive therapy room and i guess them souls are between here and there. They can’t die and being stuck to that moment when somebody needs them organs. Sometimes they lay a few years. Family being exhausted..
So i still think that there is needed a real balls to do it. Not to try it.
Tryings fucks up everybody…
Doings end everything.
All i wanna say is better not to even try, in case it won’t go out.
So the shift was hard.
But i will be open, i like to talk with them. To find out WHY. And then its gettin easier for myself, understanding that im strong.
And i figured out that i started to enjoy my job again.. somewhy! Even it was shift like in hell, 24 without resting. But i realised how much i will miss it after going to other job.
I will miss that power to help, to save, to secure.
And after feeling that little love back to ambulance, i felt much better in my personal life (if there left some of it!). :]
7 comments
Thanks for sharing this reality check!
But… don’t undermine anyone’s reason for wanting to die. Some people have genetic disposition. Some have suffered small traumas that renders their self esteem so low they can’t see any other way out. Everyone’s reason is different, but the feeling is the same, and ultimatly that feeling is what pushes them over. Maybe you can’t understand it, for which I’m glad, just try not to judge.
Keep on sharing and saving.
U know… That’s a pretty nieve statement to make… Ur right, people may not know love after one date, but… I’m 25 and “love” as u say, is the whole reason I joined this site. I appreciate u sharing ur stories but… Don’t judge people based on ur own experiences… Every1 has a story…
ah, ok , sorry guys, maybe it was too much. maybe i was too tired.. couldn’t sleep after shift. i will try not to judge anymore :] it’s just a feeling like i can’t do anything to change them.. Just fix the body. but they never listen what you say :] Anyway, thanks for reading :]
I enjoy your posts from the other side of the fence so to speak.
Picked up any Pentobarbitual people moaing about love lost?
At start they don’t speak. Then after some questions they open.. and then start to moan.. then they being angry for helping.. never picked up pentobarbital :] usualy they get sedative, alcohol, narcotics.. speaking bout drugs..
Those who take rope ..just a few coming back. And its just coz of family finds and never reacts normal – they cry, shout and dont know what to do. Well, yeah, the view is awful for a normal person..
But….once we made CPR for hanged man in a rope, in a big tree.. After CPR he woke up, it was short and affective.. He jumped and run away.. ! Police were smoking, too lazy to catch and ambulance – we can’t leave inventory and we cant run into dangerous conditions without police. Lucky man! nobody saw him ever after 😀
It’s really great that you’re trying to understand, and the fact that you put in time to listen means you must have a good heart. But bear in mind, it’s not your job to fix heads, and also, the person you saved might resent you for saving them, so you might be the last person on earth they want to talk to.
Sigh. It must be horrible for you though… you work your ass off saving all these people and then you gotta pick up the suiciders as well and maybe it makes you think ‘why the fuck bother, these people don’t got problems…’ Perspective huh? Can be used to justify or anul any emotion
i know just one thing – people with disease in soul doesn’t see the same world as healthy people. It’s the hardest thing to show them the world the way it is.
I was depressed also and it’s like being in cage – other world around disappear. If there would be any great one way how to destroy that cage.. lots of happy people. Because concetrating just on one black mind hides everything around… ehhh..
well, working to day , i would see if we will get some suiciders again :]
We always get., My city is the king!