You guys where absolutely right about my friends depression triggering my own. There was this feeling I would get where I would be okay with going home and killing myself. I got that feeling today, I havent felt this way since June. My friend is like a sponge, he just absorbs all the happiness out of me. For example today I was having a particularly slow day, it was only my second class of the day and it felt like the last (fourth, classes are 1 hour 45minutes.) and I was complaining about it when he came up to me and suck it up and quit my bitching cause my day couldn’t be as bad as his because he’s very open about his depression and suicidal thoughts. Before I continue a small side note everyone who I know who tells me about there depression (my friend and dad for example) tell me about how theyre in a dark place and they told there doctors and might get medication and such. When they tell me these things I want to yell at them to suck it up, you see the reason I haven’t told anyone is because I’ve felt this way since the second grade (I’m in grade 11 now) and I just thought that it was natural to feel so sad all the time I thought everyone in school was like that so I never told anyone. Anyway I wanted to punch my friend who has only been feeling this way for a few weeks (if you haven’t noticed for some reason everything has to be a competition). The rest of my day was ruined, all I could think of was getting up walking out of class driving home and killing myself. Nearing the end of the day I grew impatient and was content with the thought of simply crashing my car at a high speed. Finally last period arrives, I have band, and I mope around resisting the urge to kill myself. My jazz teacher who is particularly weird and a “nice dick” (I can’t really explain the term to you, you either know one or don’t.) anyway he always seems a little out of it but he must be a little sane because he always knows how to cheer me up and my will to live returns and stomps out my plans of death. Point is he has helped me through so much, Jazz has helped me throug so much.
Thanks for reading,
FOAF
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2 comments
haha i had depression since 11 but wasn’t until I was 18 that I worked out it wasn’t ‘normal’ to feel shit all the time! Keep the jazz up music makes the world go round
I totally agree with you when you say that seeing your friend’s depression triggers your own depression. I have never told anyone that I was depressed and two of my friend are suicidal and when one of them told me that the other was going to commit suicide the other day(but didnt because my friend convinced her not to) it made me feel like crap, especially since she wouldnt tell me that herself. They always act like I have no idea what it could possibly be like for them because I always keep a smile on my face even when they dont really know whats going on. I also want to say that it must have been hard having felt that being depressed was just how everyone lived. You have been depressed for a long time.