Ok,
I have only ever posted here once before and the responses I received were very kind and insightful.
I will do my best to keep the post short and direct but I have questions for many of you due to your age. I am 36 and Bi-polar. I have suffered through the meds, manic episodes, and depression over and over again like many of you.
I have noticed many of you are very young and to hear your stories or plans to end your lives make me feel like I did so many years ago and still unto this day. I would like to tell you sorry and hang in there but, when I stand where many of you stand today I would scoff at someone’s empathy.
Something you need to know is that life does get better and worse. The rapid cycling continues and it makes dating, marriage, and friendships feel like everything will be ok as long as you don’t light the 30 crates of dynamite stored at the bow of the ship “Just FYI you will light it…KABOOMâ€.
Back to the story and its polluted mess, my wife is as cold as steel and at this point offers little support to my GENETIC predisposition “I know that we are all products of our environment also so we cannot just blame a poor gene pool for our mental strugglesâ€.
Well I have contemplated numerous suicide routes from pills to guns. We all have our plans… But I have decided against these. My fear of death is minor really but I have many things in life I still want to complete. With the lack of support from my wife and my family and friends (Which are very few) I have decided to move on.
I am going to move to any state that is as far away from this place. I hate this state and its judgmental eyes. I have requested a formal transfer through my work and hopefully I will get a chance to take off. Who knows maybe that experience will kill me…lol….
My real question is I have a 7 year old step daughter. She is so cute and kind. I know that she has grown attached to me quite a bit. Her biological father is still in the picture, and he is a good man. He loves her just as much as I do. I have known my wife and stepdaughter four and a half years now. It is hard to stomach the loss of one of the last things that brings me happiness.
What I ask is for you that have been left behind by someone like a stepfather or stepmother, what kind of impact it had on your upbringing when they left? I know we are all broken and my desire is to wipe the slate clean. No more “STOP ACTING CRAZY, STOP ACTING BI-POLAR, TAKE YOUR BI-POLAR DOWN a NOTCHâ€
But I worry so much for my little stepdaughter.
Please help…
2 comments
Come on man you can do it make some changes in your life try and be posative,ive just come out of a crushing low cycle and i didnt think id be alive after today either all i can say is one day at a time….dont listen to your wifes negative shit thats her stuff you cant help it you are what you are try and get through this rough patch think of the little girl and know we are all hete feeling your pain you are not alone. Xx
Sorry, I don’t have personal experience, but my best friend’s mother is bipolar. I know it was tough for him growing up. For sure it has effected him in a way, he is emotionally detached on some level. He has several times called the police to have his mother admitted into hospital because he gets so frightened that she will hurt herself. So obviously he doesn’t want her to go. He says every time she is admitted, she doesn’t want to go, but later she realises that it was neccessary. It’s all very confusing for him, I know he doesn’t understand how anyone could take their own life at the expense of hurting their family, but he grew up with a mother who was doing just that. Sorry, this is someone elses experience and not mine, and everyone deals in different ways. But one thing I think is unviversal, the child would always have questions that can never be answered. And, sorry your wife doesn’t understand.