Right now I’m getting Harped at by my parents to go give my aunt a birthday present, I don’t want to. Not that I hate my aunt or anything, but, I don’t feel like moving. I’m a lost cause, I’m 17, and too afraid go to school. Was I bullied? Beaten up? No, I’m just a coward. Social phobic, and agoraphobic from birth, it is only recently that I refuse to go. Last year, my best friend moved away, which caused my depression to relapse. Last time a best friend moved away, at the age of 13, I became suicidally depressed, not only that, but my asshole teacher decided to show a screamer In class, which caused me a whole lot of anxiety. School was hell, it did’t help I had a clingy stubborn close-minded “friend”, who tried to “covert” everyone, I finally got rid of her a couple years ago. But in the end, it leaves me with only one friend, a good one, but I can’t talk to her like I could with my other friend.
My grades are slipping from all the school I’m missing, and tomorrow I’m going to an out-patient program, one I’ve been to once before, last year when I spent my school year at home. This year seems to be heading that direction. It doesn’t look like I can make it through highschool, which means no college, which means no future, so why do I even bother? I guess my parents are keeping me alive, along with my fear of the afterlife ( or lack thereof), and my desire to play videogames, pathetic huh?
3 comments
Krista…?
Eh, no, Zoe
I understand what you’re going through completely. I’ll be 17 next month and I have been dealing with Social Anxiety and agoraphobia since I was 13. I refused to go to school because of my fears and haven’t been to a school since I was 14. I was bullied in middle school, other kids would mostly make stupid childish remarks about my appearance, but I exaggerated it so much so my mom could understand why I didn’t want to go. So I lied a lot just so I could hide in my home. I don’t know why I’m so afraid and the future has been bugging me a lot lately because I haven’t been through enough of high school to graduate and go to college.
Yeah, I guess my mom is keeping me alive and the fear of pain and hell (because I’ve been told so many times that humans who commit suicide go to hell, I’m pretty sure it’s not true, but I was taught to believe that…) But you’re not pathetic at all. Video games are a great escape and I know they help keep my mind off of everything.
Anyways, this is kind of a stupid question, but are screamers those videos that seem normal and then pop up some scary picture? If so, why would your teacher show that? I would expect that would cause at least one student to get hurt in some way.